


Identity Crisis

by carrotcouple



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, BaekYeol - Freeform, ChanBaek - Freeform, Horror, I am not sorry about this, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Mental Health Issues, Not really rape, Psychological Trauma, there are mentions of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 03:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8951746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carrotcouple/pseuds/carrotcouple
Summary: Everyone has a unique identity. It's the fact of being. It's what a person is and that is what makes a person special. You can't have two identities at once. It destroys you.Baekhyun needs to choose between his perfect boyfriend, Chanyeol, or the man he spends his nights with, without ruining everyone he cares about with a secret from his past.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is already up on my account of AFF under the name 'indiankpopcrazygirl'. Putting up here in one go.

**“There are many who don't wish to sleep for fear of nightmares. Sadly, there are many who don't wish to wake for the same fear.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich, Dandelions: The Disappearance of Annabelle Fancher.**

The wind was howling and the trees threatened to bend and break because of the wind. The air smelt of rain and yet there was none. The sky was dark grey, almost black even though it was only five thirty on an early autumn evening. Dust was bellowing everywhere, blinding any idiot stupid enough to step out of safe territory. The whirring of the fans seemed unnaturally loud, the sound was accompanied by the faint sound of retreating thunder and yet the world was still hot, humid and stifling. The weather was behaving crazily and no one knew exactly why. Miniature leaves flew in through open windows after being detached from their parent tree. One of these leaves flew through a window and landed on a face. The person flinched and opened their eyes. Grunting he brushed the leaf out of his face. He lay there for a bit, staring at the ceiling and watching a spider wrap up an insect it had caught in its web. Finally he sat up, swinging his feet off the bed and sitting there. He got up and gently padded towards a slightly open door where there was a slit of bright light. He pushed the bathroom door open and entered. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and winced. As time went by, the worse it got.

Smudged eyeliner, eyes red, ugly tear tracks, brownish red hair in disarray, his mouth was almost blue, bite marks on his jaw and ears, his neck covered in ugly red and purple ones that were puffy and definitely looked like they had bled, his torso covered in similar marks, his hips were bruised and the skin looked like it was crying for mercy, his thighs were in no better condition. His entire body ached and he had to resist the urge to collapse on the floor. He closed his eyes and steadied his breathing. Slowly he started to move towards the shower. He turned on the shower and very gently washed himself, whimpering in pain every now and then. He got dressed and then walked out of the bathroom. He gathered his clothes which were scattered around the room.

“Baekhyun,” a deep voice from the direction of the bed called. Baekhyun tensed, freezing for only a fraction of a second before returning to his normal pace of cleaning his things, afraid he wouldn’t be able to walk out if he saw what he left on the bed.

He picked up his bag.

Arms snaked around his waist and he felt a body press against his back.

“Going somewhere?” the person breathed against the back of his neck, leaving Baekhyun covered in goosebumps.

“I-I have work.” Baekhyun stuttered. “The orders for tomorrow aren’t ready.”

“Must you?” the voice asked again. “Stay.” It was not a request.

“I really have to go.” Baekhyun was trembling now.

“Fine then. But I expect you back here tomorrow,” He said.

“I’ll come.” Said Baekhyun. “I’ll go now?”

Baekhyun wanted to stay though. He didn’t want to leave. The embrace was hot and cold. He craved the heat, the warmth, the pleasure. He was terrified of the indifference, the pain, the hunger. He wanted to stay and he wanted to run away, far away and never return. But he couldn’t, he was too addicted already and he couldn’t escape, ever.

The arms let go of Baekhyun and he fled before he could change his mind. He fled out the door, down the steps, across the lawn, down the dirt road into civilization again. He knew he’d have to make it to his apartment fast otherwise he’d be stuck with everyone watching him because his neck, jaw and ears made him look like a friggin whore. Baekhyun ran, head down, turning up the collar of his jacket to at least cover something.

He made it to his apartment complex and ran up the rarely used staircase so that old gossipy women wouldn’t see him. He arrived at his door and punched the code in and slipped inside, slamming the door shut. Baekhyun leaned against the door, his heart pounding.

It was overdone. There were rarely this many visible marks.

Baekhyun sank to the ground; he wrapped his arms around his knees and cried. He never let anyone see him cry, except for _him_. Baekhyun was strong, he was strong, he was strong. _Not._

His phone rang and he blindly picked it up.

“Yeobosayo?” he asked.

“Yah! Byun Baekhyun! Where the hell are you? Are you aware we have a big order tomorrow? Get over here now!” A shrill voice ordered.

Baekhyun grimaced.

“Got that Luhan. You can stop yelling into my phone. There is a fifty seven percent chance that I may go deaf.” Baekhyun graciously informed his boss and friend.

“Great. See you in five.”

The call cut.

Baekhyun didn’t take long in finding a decent scarf that worked well in covering things up. It suited the weather too. He got out of his apartment and instantly choked on the cigarette smoke of a passing by neighbor. Muttering muffled curses into his scarf Baekhyun arrived at ‘Goût Café’. He pushed the door open even though the sign read ‘closed’. Luhan was brewing a cappuccino.

“Lord, you did not!” said Luhan in horror.

Baekhyun sighed and went into the kitchen, tying an apron around his waist with Luhan following him.

“I thought the both of you had a 'no visible marks' agreement!” said Luhan.

“We did.” Baekhyun acknowledged. “But I guess it’s not valid anymore.”

“Baekhyun, this is crazy shit! Why do you even go for it?” asked Luhan.

“Because I have no other choice.” Baekhyun said. He started to mix the sugar and butter.

“The guy abuses you Baekhyun!”

“He loves me. OK?” Baekhyun asked pointedly. But he sounded bitter. It hurt, it hurt just to say that. “I don’t even deserve his love.”

“He doesn’t deserve you, Chanyeol does.” Luhan spun on his heel and walked out of the kitchen.

Baekhyun stood frozen there and then sank to the ground choking on his tears.

As time went by it was getting harder and harder for him. He could barely live anymore.

\------o------

Conflicted feelings. Baekhyun wanted to pour everything out on his best friend but at the same time he couldn’t.

“You’re weird.” Kris commented as he sipped his Americano.

“What do you mean?” Baekhyun asked.

“I never really thought you were into S&M, but I guess I was wrong,” said Kris.

“I’m afraid if someone mentions these marks on me again I will kill them and hang their heads on my wall.” Baekhyun gritted his teeth.

“Do you know where he is?” asked Kris.

“Who?” Baekhyun questioned.

He was busy working on ‘Menu of the Day’ for the next day. It was six in the afternoon. The shop was already closed but a few selected people could come in. Luhan was cleaning up the rest room and they could hear him cursing in Mandarin.

“The guy who raped you and then murdered Yongguk,” said Kris.

Baekhyun tensed.

“Kris...”

“I know, I’m sorry. It’s only been three years. That was dumb of me. I was supposed to ask in January, idiot. I’m sorry Baekhyun, we’re just really trying to find the guy,” said Kris.

Baekhyun stared down at the white board.

Silence.

In the background was Mandarin curse words.

“Baek, I’m so sorry,” said Kris.

“It’s fine.”

The bell above the door rang. Both Kris and Baekhyun turned.

A smile lit up Baekhyun’s face.

“Hey Chanyeol,” said Kris.

“Hey Kris, Hey Baekkie” Chanyeol greeted them with a goofy smile, ears making him looking cuter.

Chanyeol was tall, well built with big eyes, short black hair and an infectious smile.

“Hi!” Baekhyun squeaked out.

“Two-timer.” Kris muttered under his breath.  

Baekhyun kicked his best friend under the table.

“Are you done with work?” Chanyeol asked Baekhyun.

Baekhyun nodded, his face as bright as the sun which had currently decided to hide behind dark, angry clouds. What was with the weather anyways?  The wind was whipping around, leaves were flying, and there was an occasional flying poster or hat.

“Baek, your neck...” the light in Chanyeol’s eyes dimmed.

Baekhyun’s smile faltered.

“It’s OK.” Baekhyun said, waving his hand.

“Little hypocrite.” Kris muttered again. “You’re supposed to kill him and hang his head on your wall.”

“You want to go out?” Chanyeol asked, smiling as brightly as he could.

“Sure,” said Baekhyun.

“I’ll be leaving then,” said Kris. “I don’t want to get stuck with serial killer, swearing blonde, scary as hell Chinese.”

“See ya Laxy hyung.” Baekhyun grinned brightly.

“Little moron,” Kris muttered.

Kris got into his car and watched as Chanyeol took Baekhyun’s hand and led him out of the cafe. Chanyeol was a nice and sweet kid and Baekhyun was just mean to him. Chanyeol saved Baekhyun and Baekhyun just pushed the kid to the side. Kris still remembers when he first met Chanyeol.

** Flashback **

_Kris pulled his jacket closer to himself as he continued looking around for anything fishy. After getting the anonymous call from someone about a rape about to happen in the neighbourhood, the police sent undercover agents to the site. Kris couldn’t help but feel like they were actually late._

_Suddenly he heard fast footsteps and a whimper._

_“Help! Please someone help!” He heard a baritone voice cry._

_Kris took off into the direction of the voice._

_The next moment he saw a figure almost as tall as him. The figure ran into the light. There were tear marks on his face and he was as pale as a sheet. In his arms was a person. The person’s eyes were closed, face dirty, bruised and nails dripping blood. The boys frame was covered only by a large jacket Kris suspected belonged to the taller male. The face lolled slightly towards him._

_Kris felt sick._

_Baekhyun, his best friend._

_“Baek!” he cried, running forwards._

_“Help, please!” cried the taller male._

_Kris tried to pull Baekhyun into his arms and the taller male clung to Baekhyun looking at Kris with fear in his eyes._

_“It’s OK, I’m a police officer, he’s my best friend,” said Kris. The male slowly let go of Baekhyun. “He’s still beathing.” Kris sighed in relief. “Can you call the ambulance?” Kris asked the male._

_“I-I don’t h-have a pho-phone.” The other male trembled._

_Kris nodded and yanked out his phone and called the ambulance._

_The tall male has sunk to the ground crying, his hands were covered in blood._

_“What happened?” Kris asked him._

_“I don’t know, I don’t know,” the male cried._

** Flashback Ends **

Later on the male, which was Chanyeol was confirmed innocent by Baekhyun. Chanyeol and Bekhyun were biology class partners and Chanyeol had arrived to find Baekhyun and a dead man. Chanyeol picked up Baekhyun and started crying for help as Baekhyun passed out. Anyone could tell Chanyeol was crazy in love with Baekhyun. Chanyeol suffered from severe trauma and forgot the incident.

Chanyeol had confessed to Baekhyun but Baekhyun couldn’t break away from the shady guy he had some BDSM relationship with. At first Chanyeol couldn’t understand it. Baekhyun seemed to hate it too but he couldn’t leave the shady guy. So Chanyeol and Baekhyun managed some kind of strange relationship. Kris couldn’t understand when his best friend became such a strange guy.

\------o------

Baekhyun felt Chanyeol interlace their fingers and he smiled happily. Even if the sky was foreboding the other gave off natural and happy warmth. Chanyeol played with his thumb. Baekhyun closed his eyes and let Chanyeol lead him, the cold, biting wind snapping against his cheeks. It didn’t matter though, Chanyeol was warm so Baekhyun was just fine. If Baekhyun could stay like this forever, holding Chanyeol’s hand, walking with him and just enjoying each other’s presence, he’d do it, do it and never ever stop.

Baekhyun felt himself being tugged and then he was sitting on a bench. He looked up at Chanyeol quizzically. Chanyeol gave him a reassuring smile.

“Give me a moment, I’ll be back,” said Chanyeol. He turned and ran off. Puzzled, Baekhyun sat there, arms crossed over his chest to fend off the cold. He closed his eyes, feeling the exhaustion of the past few weeks catch up with him. The next moment Baekhyun was asleep.

\------o------

_Baekhyun shivered as he hugged himself. The street was dark and everything gave off an evil aura. He didn’t want to be there but he had to make it to Chanyeol’s house fast before Chanyeol got the phone call. Why did Chanyeol live in such a shady neighbourhood? Maybe it was because he could barely afford to go to school with his sick mother to take care of. Which direction was Chanyeol’s house again?_

Left here _, he thought._

_He turned left and continued following the small white stripes on the road. He froze. Footsteps. Baekhyun swore he heard footsteps that stopped the moment he stopped. Was he being followed? Goosebumps crawled up his arms. He continued walking, his heart pounding in his chest. A stone clattered towards his right. He flinched and then took off, running blindly. A hand grabbed his arm and he was spun around._

_“Hello Princess,” a deep voice said._

_Baekhyun felt his skin crawl at the voice. He yanked himself away and ran._

_“Chanyeol! Chanyeol!”_

_Impact._

_Baekhyun’s head met the narrow asphalt road and he felt the dull taste of iron in his mouth. He heard a door slam and a woman screaming at her husband to call the police. He was pinned down to the ground no matter how hard he struggled._

_“Chanyeol!”_

\------o------

Wet.

 Baekhyun jerked and opened his eyes.

“Hold still,” said Chanyeol’s warm voice. Baekhyun realized the wet substance was actually quite soothing to his irritated skin. Chanyeol was dabbing a swab of cotton against his neck. Baekhyun realized he was taking care of his...hickeys. Baekhyun wanted to puke. Baekhyun wanted to die. He wanted to throw himself off Namsan Tower and crack his head open on the pavement below. Chanyeol was doing the unthinkable, the unimaginable, the incomprehensible. Did Chanyeol really care about him so much that he was willing to tend to marks he hadn’t made, knowing full well there would be more soon? The guilt was killing Baekhyun and he couldn’t even do anything about it. He wanted it to stop. It was too much. Baekhyun wanted it to stop forever. But if it did he would rip his heart apart and Chanyeol’s and he would rather be burned alive than hurt Chanyeol.

“Chanyeol please...you don’t have too...” Baekhyun whispered.

“It’ll definitely make me feel better.” Chanyeol merely stated, concentrating on the cotton. Chanyeol’s lips were pressed together and he was staring intently at the marks on Baekhyun’s neck. Baekhyun disliked the attention that Chanyeol was giving in the wrong place. Baekhyun wished he could go back and change everything. There was a time Baekhyun loved the way people looked at his almost flawless skin. Now the admiration had turned to something that closely related to disgust and it burnt, especially when people suspected Chanyeol was the reason for the marks.

Baekhyun hated himself and it was difficult to let Chanyeol love him when he hated himself so.

“Chanyeol...stop...let’s just go buy a scarf, OK?” Baekhyun asked.

Chanyeol looked at Baekhyun dead in the eyes.

“I’ll do this and then we can go get a scarf.” He said.

Baekhyun sat there, throat constricting, heart hurting and head throbbing as Chanyeol continued on.

“There, now I’m done. Let’s go get a scarf,” said Chanyeol looking at Baekhyun.

Baekhyun nodded.

Both of them walked into a nearby shop and bought a blue scarf for Baekhyun. Baekhyun wrapped it around his neck and both of them walked out of the shop. Baekhyun studied the sky, with half shut eyes. It would snow soon. Chanyeol tugged Baekhyun along with him. They both arrived at a Ramyun stand and sat down. Chanyeol ordered the Ramyun and it was served.

“Eat up,” said Chanyeol. “You’ve gotten skinnier.”

Baekhyun nodded and picked up the chopsticks. Chanyeol always said that. Chanyeol had just seen him on Friday and they talked on both Saturday and Sunday. Chanyeol worried himself over Baekhyun and Baekhyun felt so guilty.

“Do you want to go shopping after this?” Chanyeol asked. “You’ve been wearing that blue shirt for such a long time,” said Chanyeol.

Baekhyun smiled.

“Let’s go,” he smiled.

After eating Ramyun Baekhyun was led off by Chanyeol to a shopping mall.

Both of them were going through the clothes when someone walked over to them. Both of them turned to look at the unfamiliar male in confusion.

“Baekhyun and Chanyeol right?” asked the male. He let out a laugh as soon as they nodded. “You both haven’t changed at all!” he said. “Don’t you guys remember me?” he asked.

Both of them shook their heads.

“I’m Jongdae! Kim Jongdae! The kid that used to sit behind the two of you in Biology class!” said Jongdae. Both pairs of eyes widened in surprise.

“Jongdae, you’ve changed!” said Chanyeol.

“Man the last time I saw the both of you was in Mr. Bang’s Biology class and Mr. Bang was trying to rap!” laughed Jongdae. Baekhyun’s smile faded. “Mr. Bang had such a deep voice. Remember how all the girls used to drool over him?” Jongdae asked. Chanyeol nodded but Baekhyun weakly smiled. “Looks like both of you did end up dating,” said Jongdae.

Chanyeol smiled brightly and took Baekhyun’s hand. Baekhyun tried to smile as brightly as possible.

“You look a little sick Baek, are you OK?” asked Jongdae.

“I’m fine,” Baekhyun managed. “Just a cold,” Baekhyun lied.

“Oh,” said Jongdae.

“Jongdae, hurry up will you?” a familiar angelic voice called. It was then Baekhyun realized there was a ring on Jongdae’s ring finger and the other male’s ring finger.

“You married the school secretary?” Baekhyun cried.

Chanyeol hurriedly bowed as their angel secretary walked over. Kim Joonmyeon.

“Chanyeol, Baekhyun!” said Joonmyeon in surprise. His eyes landed on Baekhyun. Being the secretary he had had a vague knowledge of what had happened to Baekhyun. “How are you Baekhyun?” he asked.

“Good sir,” said Baekhyun.

“Call me Joonmyeon,” said Joonmyeon with a smile. He turned to Jongdae. “Come on, we have to go, your sister is calling me like a mad hatter because your phone is turned off. Did you forget to charge it?” Joonmyeon dragged Jongdae away.

“Who would’ve thought,” laughed Chanyeol turning to him. “Baek?” he asked in concern. “Are you OK?”

“I’m fine Chanyeol, let’s just get out of here.”

Both of them went to Baekhyun’s apartment. Chanyeol sat on Baekhyun’s bed with him as both of them played Monopoly.

“Baekhyun, do you love me?” Chanyeol asked softly.

Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol surprised.

“Of course I do!” said Baekhyun fiercely.

“But you have him,” said Chanyeol weakly.

Baekhyun crawled over to Chanyeol. He bit his lip, guilt clawing at him, trying to drown him in a pool of his own sins. Baekhyun pulled himself onto Chanyeol’s lap and curled up there, his ear against Chanyeol’s chest as he listened to Chanyeol’s heartbeat.

“I love you and only you, never doubt that,” said Baekhyun. His guilt was screaming, mocking him. He wanted to die, bash his head in.

Chanyeol kissed the top of his head. After having dinner Chanyeol left and then when the lights in the apartment complex turned off Baekhyun snuck out.

\------o------

_“Baekhyun, go take out the trash!” his mother shouted._

_“Yes mom!” called Baekhyun. He ran down, taking the trash from each room. He went to the kitchen last. He picked up the trash bag. His eyes wandered to the dark window and he felt suddenly cold. He felt like someone was watching him. “Mom,” Baekhyun whispered. “Can I take out the trash tomorrow morning?” asked Baekhyun._

_“Tomorrow morning? What rubbish! Take out the trash now! I can’t cook dinner next to a full trash bag. If you don’t take it out there will be no dinner!”_

_“Yes mom,” Baekhyun whispered weakly._

_“Where is that man? He says he works so much, but doesn’t he want to come home?” he heard his mother mutter._

_Baekhyun walked out. The couple next door were having a screaming match._

_It was dark and he felt the hairs on his neck rise._

_Baekhyun looked around._

_Suddenly it was silent. Very silent. So silent it unnerved Baekhyun. He hauled the trash bags along with him to the dumpster. He pushed the bags in and then began briskly walking home. He was on edge. Every tiny sound made him jump._

_“Baekhyun,” he heard a low voice whisper. Baekhyun took off and ran into the house, slamming the door shut._

_“Byun Baekhyun! What have I told you about slamming doors?” he heard his mother screech._

_His father came home and they had a quiet dinner. Baekhyun’s parents went to sleep easily. They didn’t feel like someone was watching the house. Baekhyun stood up and went to the window, fingers trembling he swept back the curtains._

_Darkness._

_Baekhyun felt Goosebumps on his arms._

_It was dark but someone or something was out there._

_With trembling fingers Baekhyun reached for his flashlight, aimed it at the street below and turned it on._

_A man wearing a hood stood there, the only thing that Baekhyun could see of his face was a curved smile, directed exactly at him._

_Baekhyun screamed._

\------o------

Baekhyun sat up, panting. He was sweating. The arm around his waist tightened.

“Go back to sleep,” the deep voice said.

Baekhyun sank back onto the bed, trembling.

\------o------

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**“If a wound closes up without a scar then it isn’t a wound, it isn’t a knife. It is just the passing of the wind” – Oh Maria from ‘Gap Dong Yi’**

“So you had the dream again last night?” Luhan asked.

Baekhyun stared down at his cupcakes like they were ghosts. His face was as pale as the vanilla frosting on the cupcakes. He hadn’t dreamed that certain dream in ages. Sure he had dreamed others but this one was particularly vivid and it was the beginning of the whole ‘being stalked’ issue. Baekhyun put more frosting on the cupcakes, bathed in utter silence and Luhan’s scrutiny.

“Why don’t you answer me? You always behave this way after you’ve had that dream,” said Luhan, putting his elbows on the counter as he peered up at Baekhyun.

“Then you already know my answer,” said Baekhyun flatly. He took the pink fondant flowers and started putting them on the frosting.

“Baekhyun...it’s been three years. Why does it still haunt you?” Luhan asked.

“You know why,” Baekhyun said.

“No I don’t. So tell me why,” said Luhan propping himself on the counter by his elbows.

“Because every single time I look at Chanyeol I get reminded of it,” sighed Baekhyun. He really didn’t want Luhan bugging him. When Luhan wanted something he would keep demanding till he got it, and Baekhyun definitely was not in the mood of listening to a whiny, high pitch voiced, Chinese blonde.

“Tough,” said Luhan stealing a cupcake and eating it.

“You think?” muttered Baekhyun.

Luhan became Baekhyun’s close friend after the raping incident. When Baekhyun went searching for jobs after college, no one accepted him because he was a rape victim. He landed in Luhan’s café one day and ended up crying all over the blonde. The blonde then let him work with him because his mom was a rape victim and he had been thrown out of the house because of it.

Luhan understood him a lot more than others and he even knew more about what had happened to Baekhyun three years ago than anyone else. Chanyeol couldn’t remember anything anyways. Baekhyun was more than thankful for a friend like Luhan who understood him. Luhan had grown up understanding that he was trash and then he helped Baekhyun because Baekhyun was convinced that he was trash.

But no matter how much Luhan would try now, there was no way he could convince Baekhyun that he wasn’t useless. Baekhyun and Luhan had an odd way of caring for each other. Living the tough way caused both of them to harden in unimaginable ways. They both took care of each other and gave each other advice by yelling at the other person and sarcastically berating them. It was tough but it was real and raw. It made Baekhyun feel accepted.

Baekhyun knew it made him and Luhan look like dumb masochists but in all honesty no one wanted to get caught in between them when they were screaming at each other. Kris once tried and ended up with a black eye and a sprained foot. They guy was a police officer too but they held no regard for him whatsoever. Chanyeol tried to do aegyo once when they were fighting and ended up with Luhan throwing a cake in his face.

Kris always complained that everyone treated Chanyeol like a china doll but threw shoes at him like he was useless. The guy since them decided that he should never say that again. His partners at the station asked him if he had been assaulted by a tiger. The guy couldn’t show his face properly for a week.

“Aish, the weather is being such a pain. It should be cooler by now. But it’s so humid. Bloody weather.”

Baekhyun chuckled sourly.

Trust Luhan to curse about the weather.

The bell above the door rang and both of them turned.

“Welcome to-” Luhan cut off and rolled his eyes. “Oh, it’s just you,”

“Hello guys!” said Kris with a wide smile.

Both Baekhyun and Luhan went back to working. Kris let his smile drop.

“Americano please,” said Kris with a sigh. “Oh and while Luhan makes it, Baek, could step outside to talk to me? It’s kind of important.”

Luhan looked at Baekhyun in confusion. Baekhyun shrugged and followed the tall blonde out of the café. Baekhyun was instantly hit by the humidity. He rubbed his nose and Kris turned around to face him, face filled with concern and determination. It made Baekhyun nervous seeing the amount of expression on the usually stoic Kris.

“Are you OK?” Baekhyun asked, putting his hand against Kris’ forehead to check for a fever.

“The statute of limitations is ending soon for your case, Baek. We need to find the guy. So please tell me anything you know,” said Kris.

Baekhyun went white.

“Please Baek,”

Silence.

“I don’t know anything,”

“You must know something!”

“I don’t” said Baekhyun flatly. Suddenly everything seemed a lot colder for Baekhyun and he wanted to runaway. This was not what he wanted. He couldn’t look at Kris’ face, it would kill him to.  

“That is bullshit, Byun Baekhyun. I know you didn’t tell us everything when we questioned you after the incident.” Said Kris.

Kris was getting frustrated. Three years and Baekhyun still wouldn’t open his mouth. Kris was tired of waiting around for Baekhyun but Baekhyun was their only source of information and he refused to open his mouth. Kris was the only one that knew that of course. He could read his best friend very well.

“I did tell you everything Kris,” Baekhyun protested.

“Are you going to tell me you got raped by a complete stranger?” Kris asked.

Baekhyun gaped at his best friend.

“You think I wouldn’t tell you who raped me Wu Yi Fan?” Baekhyun asked sounding betrayed and hurt. Baekhyun bit his lips, wanting to smack himself because: God he sounded so true, he wanted to kill himself for keeping things from his best friend. But he couldn’t say anything. If he spoke a word he would kill himself and the people he loved too, that included Kris.

Kris rubbed his temples, looking upset.

“No,” he sighed at last. “I’m sorry Baek. But if you remember something, please, please just come straight to me and tell me,” said Kris.

Baekhyun nodded.

Kris inhaled an alarming amount of air and then exhaled, looking tired. Baekhyun wanted to comfort his best friend and tell him everything but he couldn’t. He just had to wait for the statute of limitations to end and then he would tell Kris everything. Kris had dark eye bags and his eyes were red.

“I guess you’re working hard, huh?” Baekhyun had a tough time keeping the guilt from his voice.

“Yeah,” said Kris. “Oh, look, Luhan’s waving at us, let’s go,”

Baekhyun followed Kris back into the café. Fear was growing inside Baekhyun at an alarming rate because he knew Kris suspected something. Baekhyun knew that three years was a long time but he was terrified that Kris was sniffing something out so close to the end of it. Baekhyun went behind the counter and Luhan handed Kris his coffee. Luhan turned to Baekhyun eyebrows raised in question. Baekhyun shook his head.

\------o------

_Baekhyun doodled hearts on his notebook, next to his rather lame attempt at sketching Chanyeol. He smiled as he put his head down on the pencil smudged paper. He traced the heart almost giggling to himself when a book landed heavily on the desk next to him. Baekhyun started, sitting up and shutting his notebook as fast as possible as the subject of his interest sat on the chair next to his. The tall, dark brown haired male turned to him._

_“Morning Baek,” he smiled._

_“Good morning Chanyeol,” Baekhyun replied with a smile of his own, feeling his heart thump in his chest wildly at the way Chanyeol’s eyes sparkled in the morning sunlight coming from the window, even with his glasses on. For some reason Chanyeol and Baekhyun were the only ones that made it to this class in time._

_“What were you doing?” Chanyeol reached for the notebook that was on Baekhyun’s desk._

_“Don’t!” cried Baekhyun, yanking the notebook away from Chanyeol’s fingers, face beet red. Chanyeol looked surprised, shocked even. “It’s my diary,” Baekhyun attempted to explain through stammers and blushes all the way down to his neck. He wouldn’t want Chanyeol to think that he was being mean to him._

_“Your diary?” Chanyeol raised an eyebrow in playful questioning._

_Baekhyun nodded. Chanyeol cocked his head, staring at Baekhyun with an unintentional, full pout on his lips. Baekhyun swallowed hard. Why was Chanyeol trying to toss him off the cliff to insanity and frustrated, hyperventilating hearts? He leaned forward and poked Baekhyun’s cheek with a finger, his pout now very real._

_“Let me see it Baek, please?” Chanyeol said with big, doe like eyes, which was amazing because very few people who wore glasses could do that and pull off the intended effect. “Please let me see it!”_

_Baekhyun clutched his diary even harder, making a face._

_“Good morning, Baekhyun, Chanyeol,” Mr. Bang’s deep voice rang out._

_Both of them spun around to face their teacher._

_“Good morning,” both of them said simultaneously._

_“What’s that you’re holding, Mr. Byun?” Mr. Bang asked. Baekhyun turned even redder._

_“Nothing sir,” Baekhyun shoved the diary under the desk._

_When Baekhyun and Chanyeol were sent to scout for the students who simply weren’t arriving, they discovered that Girls Generation’s Seohyun had come to the school and therefore no one bothered even thinking about class. Finding nothing else to do, the two of them returned to the class to find it empty. Baekhyun went to his desk and then saw the yellow cover of his diary lying in a corner. His eyes widened and he went to the corner to find that all the used up pages on his love for Chanyeol had been torn out and ripped to pieces mercilessly. Baekhyun didn't realize it but he ended up crying. Chanyeol arrived at his side and instantly realized what had happened. He rubbed comforting circles on Baekhyun’s back, not knowing exactly what had been in that diary._

\------o------

Hot and cold at the same time. That was what the weather was like. Baekhyun wrapped himself up to fend off the cold, but he would start sweltering in his own body heat because of the random changes in temperatures. Maybe the global warming was really bad. The monsoon was awful and now winter was being a pain. It wasn’t hot but it wasn’t cold. Cold breezes would hit every now and then and people would shut their window and turn up the heaters, but then the next moment they would be hit by humid waves of air. Baekhyun was pretty sure the end of the world was miscalculated. It wasn’t supposed to be 2012 but 2014 instead. It made sense to him at least, and to Chanyeol who he had been complaining to about the weather.

“What’s worse is that there was a power cut last night and last night was freezing!” Baekhyun whined.

Chanyeol chuckled. Baekhyun used to think Chanyeol would get tired of him complaining, which is what Baekhyun would do for an hour at least twice a week. But Chanyeol told Baekhyun that he actually thought it was cute instead of annoying, like Luhan and Kris decided it was. Chanyeol was all kinds of amazing to Baekhyun.

“Well then, how about you get rid of those ugly bed sheets and let me buy you proper blankets?” Chanyeol asked Baekhyun.

Baekhyun gasped in something close to horror and amusement at the same time.

“How many times must I tell you that these bed sheets will stay right here?” Baekhyun hugged his ‘Supernatural’ bed sheets that had Jensen Ackles face on it. Baekhyun loved ‘Supernatural’ and he was a diehard Dean Winchester fan. Chanyeol found it all too adorable.

Chanyeol rolled his eyes playfully.

“Alright then,” he said.

Baekhyun smiled at him.

Baekhyun loved the way that even though there was barely any light except from the lamp, Chanyeol’s eyes sparkled. Baekhyun wanted to keep staring at those eyes forever and never ever stop. Chanyeol’s hand found its way to the back of Baekhyun’s neck and the distance between their faces was slowly decreasing. Baekhyun felt a warm, moist breath against his lips and he slowly closed his eyes, waiting for the magical moment. Chanyeol’s lips met his and the pure and loving kiss had Baekhyun’s head reeling. It was almost too much for him. Baekhyun lost himself in the younger’s touch and before he knew it the kiss started to heat up and become passionate.

Baekhyun ended up pressed against the mattress, Chanyeol in between his legs as the kiss carried on, intensifying unimaginably. Baekhyun’s heart was on fire. He was irreversibly in love with Chanyeol and he knew that he would do anything for Chanyeol because Chanyeol was his world. A life without Chanyeol was a life not worth living. Baekhyun felt hands on his shirt buttons. He was about to go crazy.

And then it stopped.

Baekhyun was startled. All warmth left him and silence reigned in the room. All that could be heard were their pants for breath. Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol in question, trying to understand why he stopped when Baekhyun was on the brink of ecstasy. The younger was staring at the marks on his neck. Baekhyun felt the color drain from his face and he sat up.

“Chanyeol…” he whispered, his heart pounding painfully in his chest.

“I’m sorry,” was all Chanyeol said before standing up.

“Chanyeol-” Baekhyun began in desperation. Chanyeol couldn’t leave him here, not like that. He wanted Chanyeol. No, he needed Chanyeol. Baekhyun stretched out a hand towards Chanyeol, his throat tightening with emotion.

“I’m so sorry, but I can’t. Not now.” Chanyeol grabbed his bag and was out the door. Baekhyun heard the door of the apartment slam shut. Baekhyun was left there, staring at an empty space, wanting to call Chanyeol back. He felt his wall come crumbling down. He hated this. He hated himself. Why did it have to be him of all people? Couldn’t fate have chosen someone else to pick on, someone else’s life to completely destroy?

Baekhyun curled up on his bed, crying his eyes out. His sobs rang out in the small, lonely and quiet apartment with no warmth.

\------o------

Whenever Baekhyun was truly upset, to the point he thought he would shatter at the slightest touch, he would grab a glass of milk and go to his secret hide out. There was a secret entrance into Seoul National Forest and there was a certain spot there that no one ever visited. That was Baekhyun’s safe haven and the only one that knew about it was Kris. It was where the two of them became friends. Baekhyun curled up on the blanket he pulled out of the box that he and Kris had left there after years of coming to the place. He stared up at the stars.

Baekhyun knew that it would be time to go to the café in just a couple of hours. The stars were still visible because the days were growing shorter. Baekhyun lay there, quietly observing his surroundings, wallowing in self hate and pity. He could hear his mobile buzzing, but he paid no attention to it. He didn’t want to have to listen to Luhan yelling at him for being late. Baekhyun continued to lie there, listening to the sounds of Seoul waking up and getting busy with everyday life.

He heard a crunch to his side. He remained silent as someone lowered themself onto the blanket and patted his hair. Baekhyun closed his eyes and just felt the warm hand pat his cheek comfortingly. He heard the person sigh.

“Hey,” Kris said softly. Baekhyun didn’t bother to answer. Both of them watched the trees sway to the wind. “Do you remember when your mother freaked because a blanket went missing?” Kris asked with a smile. Baekhyun managed a soft smile at the memory. “She yelled at me too. But then I guess I kind of deserved it, even though she didn’t know that both of us brought it here. It was her favorite blanket.”

“I still remember sitting here and listening to you gush about your high school crush,” Baekhyun said, feeling a little lighter. It was amazing how Kris could make him feel so carefree and happy at times and at times he could shove Baekhyun into a hole and corner him like a fox to a rabbit without even knowing it.

“Then you sat here and listened to me gush about how both of us were in the same police force.” Kris grinned at Baekhyun.

“And how in all reality, he couldn’t hold a gun in the first place and he was such an angel. I laughed at you so much,” Baekhyun smiled. It wasn’t a smile that reached his eyes, but it was a sincere smile all the same. The only times Baekhyun ever smiled with true happiness was with Chanyeol, occasionally Kris and Luhan. It wasn’t the first time it had ever happened with Chanyeol, it happened before too. Both of them would get over it and get through it. But Baekhyun kept crumbling the more it happened. He could barely breathe each time it happened now. It wasn’t an unusual occurrence and Kris didn’t even have to ask when it happened now. He just went along with it, giving up trying to understand his best friend.

“Luhan is looking for you, but he says you’re not picking up your phone. So instead he bullied me into finding you.” Kris grinned lightly. “Come on kiddo, you have a life to take care of.” Kris gently helped Baekhyun up. “Let’s go before blonde, Chinese, terrorist attacks Chanyeol for answers or sends hellhounds after the two of us,”

Baekhyun chuckled softly.

“Finish up your milk.”

Baekhyun’s medicine was always Chanyeol, Kris and Luhan. It was a connection that would never break. Or at least he hoped it wouldn’t break. He just had to wait patiently and quietly till it was all over.

\------o------

It was somewhere towards the end of Baekhyun’s college education that Kris realized his friend was acting strange. Baekhyun had just started living alone since his father had a health problem so his parents were forced to move to the country. Kris was just a newbie in the police force. It had been only half a year since he had started. So he was rather looked down upon, but one thing that no one could ignore was the fact that he had an amazing intuition. He was also amazingly good at sniffing things out. So while in front of his face they berated him, behind his back they fought for whose team he’d be on. So Kris could sense something was up with Baekhyun.

Never in Kris’ life did he imagine that Baekhyun was being stalked. It wasn’t just simple stalking. It was sick, completely sick. Although Baekhyun was scared beyond belief he also found it so shameful that he simply wouldn’t reveal anything to Kris even though Kris asked. It wasn’t surprising that the stalker had his number. Most stalkers had their victims’ numbers. But Baekhyun never answered unknown calls, which led Kris to the suspicion that maybe, just maybe, Baekhyun knew who the caller was.

Kris knocked on the old, worn out looking door and waited for an answer. The door opened slightly revealing a tall woman with beautiful but strong features.

“Hello ma’am. My name is Detective Wu, I believe your husband called up the police some three years ago about an attack on the street right outside,”

\------o------

_Baekhyun pulled the paper out of the mailbox and ripped it to shreds. He dumped the pieces into the trash can nearby and pulled out all the other mail. He bit his lip at the feeling of being watched and for security he began to converse with a neighbor he had never seen in his life. The neighbor was a single living woman without a boyfriend maybe two years older than Baekhyun. She was thrilled to be talking to the handsome young brunette. Baekhyun smiled politely listening to every word she said with the partial attention he gave in a physics class. When the feeling of being watched vanished, Baekhyun looked at the wall clock and lied - very dramatically - that he had work. Then he ran up to his apartment and shut the door._

_He heard something underneath his feet and realized he was stepping on a piece of paper. It looked like it had been slipped in from underneath the door. His heart pounded in his chest as he bent down to pick it up. His fingers started trembling. He brought it up and peered at it. In large black letters was written:_

Don’t ignore me, or I promise you that you will regret it.

_Baekhyun dropped the paper and fell to the ground on his ankles, hands covering his ears as he squeezed his eyes shut. Just as he opened his eyes he noticed the shadow of shoes from the other side of the door. Baekhyun fell backwards, opening his mouth to scream._

_“Baekhyun? Baekhyun are you in there? It’s me Chanyeol. Are you OK? You haven’t been coming to classes lately.” Chanyeol knocked on the door while calling for Baekhyun. Going into panic mode, Baekhyun grabbed the sheet of paper dropped it into the kitchen dustbin and then hurried to open the door._

_“Uh…Hi Chanyeol,” Baekhyun smiled brightly up at the other boy._

_Chanyeol smiled back._

_“Hey, can I come in?”_

_“Sure,” Baekhyun opened his door fully for Chanyeol to come in, and then he shut it, locking it firmly._

_Chanyeol awkwardly stood there, looking around the house. Baekhyun motioned for him to sit down at the dining table since he couldn’t really afford to bring his parents sofa into his small apartment.  Baekhyun got a glass of water for Chanyeol and then sat down as well._

_“Hi...” Baekhyun really couldn’t think of words to say to his long time crush._

_“Are you OK? You weren’t coming for classes for a while and I got really worried but then I thought if I just simply called it would be rude. Especially if you were sick. I mean if you were sick then I should visit instead of just call right?” Chanyeol delivered everything in one breath, leaving Baekhyun blinking because:_ Chanyeol cared.

_Baekhyun wanted to scream like a fan girl in joy because Chanyeol noticed that he was missing and was concerned that he was sick._

_“I was just not feeling too great,” Baekhyun lied. It was easier to lie than to say that he was too scared to leave his apartment complex and go for classes._

_Just then Baekhyun’s mobile on the table rang, a familiar name showed up. Baekhyun grabbed the phone and cut the call, leaving Chanyeol looking shocked._

_“Why did you cut it? Shouldn’t you have answered it? It was from-” Chanyeol began with furrowed eyebrows._

_“It’s OK, I’ll call back later.” Baekhyun smiled as reassuringly as possible to Chanyeol because he knew he was not going to call back. “You’re my guest right now, I’m sure you should be my first priority,” Baekhyun waved his hand, trying to look casual even though his heart was pounding unhealthily. At this rate he was going to die of a heart attack._

_“Are you sure?” Chanyeol asked uncertainly._

_“Yes, I’m sure,” Baekhyun said with a smile._

_Chanyeol shrugged._

_“OK then, since I guessed you weren’t feeling to great, I got you porridge,”_

\------o------

Baekhyun wrapped up one last muffin and then handed the bag to the customer with a large, million watt, and infectious, fake smile. The customer, a young high school girl found herself giggling at Baekhyun, despite the fact that she had a nerdy boyfriend hanging onto her arm. Her boyfriend did not look pleased.

“Please enjoy,” Baekhyun said.

The girl nodded and then dragged her boyfriend along with her, almost crashing into the door because she was busy ogling at Baekhyun. Luhan showed up at Baekhyun’s side, clucking his tongue as he shook his head at the retreating girl and nerdy attachment with disapproval.

“You make my café so very attractive to all the younger people. If only they knew how fake that smile was. They’d all tuck their tails in between their legs and run for it if they knew how scary you were in reality.” Luhan ran his fingers through his hair. “You give me really good business, thanks Baek.” Luhan grinned, sticking his tongue out at Baekhyun childishly.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes before he grabbed a muffin and shoved it into Luhan’s mouth, leaving him choking on his own creation.

“I’m not just good for business, I’m your friend you twat,” Baekhyun smiled sweetly, highly amused at the elder’s predicament.

Luhan swallowed the muffin.

“That’s hyung to you, you brat!” hissed Luhan, but he was smiling nevertheless.

“You’ve never asked me to call you hyung before, harabeoji*.” It was Baekhyun’s turn to stick out his tongue childishly.

“Yah! You little brat, come here! I will give you a black eye for good measure – welcome to ‘Goût Café’,” Luhan and Baekhyun instantly turned and bowed, smiling widely at their new customers. An entire tirade of High School girls walked in. Needless to say Baekhyun and Luhan had fan girls for their pretty boy looks. Fan girls meaning all the teenage girls in the High School down the street.

While behind the counter, Baekhyun got a phone call. He almost cringed when he saw the familiar name. He picked up the phone while Luhan flirted away with the girls in order to get them to come back the next day.

“Yeobosayo?” Baekhyun gave the usual greeting.

“I assume you know why I’m calling you?” A deep voice asked on the other end.

“Yes,” Baekhyun said softly.

“Making sure of it.” A pause, “Where are you right now?”

“I’m at the café. That’s Luhan that’s talking to the girls,” Baekhyun said.

“Hm…Don’t delay.”

“I won’t”

Baekhyun cut the call and turned to find Luhan staring weirdly at him.

“Who was that?” Luhan asked.

“Him,” Baekhyun said emotionlessly. Luhan scowled and then his face returned to his fake happy face as another girl walked up to him asking if she could take a picture of him. Baekhyun sighed and pressed ‘delete call history’. It wouldn’t do for Kris to find out about it.

\------o------

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went through chapter one again and then realized in complete shock that there was no Baekyeol skinship. What. This chapter was to develop your understanding of Baekhyun's relationship with Chanyeol, Kris and Luhan.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is a point way down below where there are three Mandarin lines. The translations will be given at the end of the chapter Notes.

**“No matter how much suffering you went through, you never want to let go of those memories” – Haruki Murakami.**

The rain hit the city of Seoul unexpectedly. It sent children scrambling out of their mothers’ hold into the puddles of mud. Windows were opened to the smell of the earth and blankets were pulled out of storage places because now it would be cooler in the night. Older girls ran for shelter and teenage boys decided that it was the best time to show off their motor bikes. For Luhan it meant more customers in the café, most of them seeking an escape from the rain since they had no umbrellas. All of them wanted something warm to drink or eat, cold and wet fingers poking at him incessantly. But only one thing was on Luhan’s mind.

Baekhyun was late _again._

Luhan cursed in Mandarin underneath his breath. Baekhyun’s phone was switched off and Kris was waltzing somewhere after a thief. Luhan was practically helpless, the line of people at the counter getting longer as Luhan scrambled back and forth, a blindingly bright smile on his face as he nodded at every customer he wanted to smack across the face for looking annoyed and impatient. Calling Chanyeol would be pointless, it would get him nowhere because then Chanyeol would go into an alarm drive and start wailing because no one knew where Baekhyun was. Luhan wanted to behead the man Baekhyun spent his time with when he wasn’t with Chanyeol.

The bell of the door rang and Luhan wanted to sigh in relief and scream in anger when Baekhyun and Chanyeol walked in, sopping wet. OK, maybe Luhan should have called Chanyeol, but hey, he was being careful, OK? Baekhyun was pale, but that was the result of getting soaked in the rain. Baekhyun ran to the back and changed into his uniform. He came back out to help Luhan who, as usual, was cursing in Mandarin. Baekhyun smiled at the customers and Luhan switched to the coffee side. His fingers were shaking. His entire body felt cold and he was pretty sure he was going to catch a fever. The sudden change in temperature was affecting his body in the worst way possible, not that he was going to get pneumonia. His hair was still dripping and the customer in front of him was sneezing on end. Baekhyun was in for a night of bad health one way or the other.

Chanyeol was sitting on a stool by the ‘Employees Only’ door. Baekhyun smiled. Even though Chanyeol was soaked to the skin he was so handsome. In fact, the fact that he was wet made him more handsome. Chanyeol turned to look at him and Baekhyun felt blood rush up to his cheeks. Chanyeol grinned and then winked at him. Blinking and amazingly flustered, Baekhyun turned back to the customer that he was facing.

Chanyeol had just gotten off work at the company where he worked as a staff involved in the promotions of the products. He was mostly used while negotiating with advertizing companies. No one in the world could resist Chanyeol’s smile and his company took good advantage of that of course.

Towards the end of the storm, Chanyeol found himself on a stool behind the counter, making the High School fan girls a little concerned that he had some kind of relationship with their coffee prince oppas. That was until they started gushing over Chanyeol. Luhan started commenting on how they should have Chanyeol behind the counter more often. Baekhyun turned to his next customer and his blood went cold.

“Hi, can I have one chocolate chip cupcake and two lattes?” the baritone voice rang out. Baekhyun stared in utter horror. “Hey, wait a moment, you’re Byun Baekhyun, aren’t you?” the deep voiced male asked. Chanyeol was now on his feet and by Baekhyun’s side because Baekhyun was trembling. Baekhyun could hear Chanyeol calling his name. His vision blurred and then he could hear Luhan shouting is name in a panicked manner. His eyes rolled back and his knees buckled under him.

Darkness.

\------o------

_Baekhyun took the Ramyun off the stove and put it down on the table, blowing on it. He pulled his chair out and sat down, stirring the noodles with his chopsticks. He closed his eyes and let the smell of the Ramyun assail his senses. Baekhyun could live on Ramyun and Ramyun only. He stuffed the first chopstick full of Ramyun into his mouth and then hissed. It was way too hot. Baekhyun went to his fridge and then pulled out a water bottle. Just as he sat down again his mobile rang. Baekhyun checked the caller ID. Chanyeol. Smiling brightly, Baekhyun answered the call._

_“Hello?” Baekhyun tried not to sound overly excited._

_“So I was thinking, about the research project, lets head over to a restaurant and discuss over lunch maybe?” Chanyeol sounded nervous. Baekhyun felt his heart skip a beat. Lunch.  A Lunch date with Chanyeol. He wanted to leap around in triumph and happiness. He wanted to run out to his balcony and shout to the whole world that staring at Chanyeol without stopping in class had finally paid off and now he was going on a date with the love of his life._

_“Uh…sure,” Baekhyun almost squeaked out._

_“Really?” Chanyeol asked happily. “Cause we really need to progress on the project and I’m craving Italian food,”_

_Oh right, it was a research project meet up, not a lunch date._

_Baekhyun tried not to sigh in disappointment._

_“You know what? I’m craving Italian food as well!” Baekhyun tried to say energetically even though he was kind of depressed on the inside._

_“So shall I come and pick you up tomorrow?” Chanyeol gently asked Baekhyun the question and Baekhyun almost choked and fell out of his seat._

_“That would be a great idea!” Baekhyun’s hand practically started jumping up and down on the table in utter joy._

_“It’s a date then!” Chanyeol almost boomed._

_Baekhyun choked for real this time._

_“As in, not date! Study date! Appointment! Oh My God!” Chanyeol sounded panicked on the other side and Baekhyun heard something crash. “Study date Baekhyun! Appointment! I swear I’m not trying to – Study date!”_

_“Park Chanyeol! Stop flapping around like a seal this instant and pick up that book case!” A sharp female voice scolded Chanyeol and Baekhyun guessed it was the other boy’s elder sister. Baekhyun chuckled under his breath as he heard Chanyeol shout numerous apologies and cry a bunch of ‘Ow noona! That hurts!’._

_“Uh Baek?” Chanyeol was on the phone again._

_“Right here,” Baekhyun said with a smile._

_“Sorry about that, my noona came in and decided to go all king cobra on me…” Chanyeol said sheepishly. Baekhyun laughed a little._

_“That’s alright, that’s what sisters are for, right?” Baekhyun asked._

_“You have an older brother don’t you?” Chanyeol asked._

_“Yeah, but he left to USA a long time ago because he couldn’t stand my parents anymore,” Baekhyun shrugged disdainfully._

_Silence._

_“I’m sorry to hear that…well then…I’ll see you tomorrow?”_

_“Yes!” Baekhyun said, nodding._

_“Bye…”_

_“Bye!”_

_Baekhyun put his phone down with a sigh of contentment. His phone rang again and without thinking, he answered it blindly, his mind lost in the world of Park Chanyeol._

_“Yeobosayo?” Baekhyun asked drawing hearts with his finger on the wood._

_“Aren’t you quite happy?” a deep voice asked._

_Baekhyun froze, his heart speeding up. He wanted to crawl into a corner and hide, Goosebumps lined his arms and legs and everything suddenly felt much colder. He had been avoiding his stalker for almost three months now. Although it was impossible not to see him almost every day, he stayed away from him, avoided his phone calls, walked home with Chanyeol and walked to school with Chanyeol and avoided any letters without addresses. But now, in his moment of stupidity, he had picked up the phone._

_“Chanyeol is quite a chivalrous person, don’t you think?” the deep voice asked._

_“W-what are you t-talking about?” Baekhyun stammered._

_“He would come running to your rescue any time, am I correct?” the person on the other line was definitely smiling with no good intentions. “I suddenly thought of a very interesting game called ‘Knight in Shining Armor’. Do you like that game, Baekhyun?” the man drawled his name out and Baekhyun shuddered in horror._

_“I wouldn’t know what you’re talking about,” Baekhyun whispered._

_“You see all I have to do is make a little phone call to our dear Chanyeollie and tell him that his princessss-” the man stopped, hissing the s’ at the end of the word. “-named little Baekhyunnie, is in danger and he would come running right away, not knowing I would be waiting for him in a corner with a knife, He’d never even see my face…” the man chuckled manically._

_“CHANYEOL!” Baekhyun shrieked, getting to his feet and running out the door in his slippers and pajamas._

_He never noticed someone hiding by the door emerge from the shadows and go after him._

\------o------

Baekhyun opened his eyes and looked around. He was in his apartment and covered by something warm. He slowly sat up. He looked at the blankets draped on him with wide eyes. Gone were his ‘Supernatural’ bed sheets and they were replaced with ‘Supernatural’ blankets!

“Are you happy now?” Chanyeol’s voice asked. Baekhyun turned to see his boyfriend sitting next to him on a chair and smiling at him. “Supernatural blankets. Go nuts,”

“Oh my gosh! Chanyeol! You got me ‘Supernatural’ blankets!” Baekhyun cried. “Can I kiss you?” he looped his arms around Chanyeol’s neck, pulled him close and gave him a big, sloppy kiss full of gratitude. Chanyeol pulled away, laughing.

“You only love me for your ‘Supernatural’ merchandise,” Chanyeol tweaked Baekhyun’s nose.

“Porridge you stupid yellow tree! Porridge!” Luhan’s voice screamed. “Xīfàn! Zhōu shì zuì shìhé tā de jiànkāng, xiànzài, méiyǒu ròu! Nǐ shǎ huángsè de shù!**”

“Ow! Ow! Alright, alright! Hǎo ba! Wǒ huì líkāi nǐ dúzì yīrén! Zuò nǐ xiǎng zuò de, nǐ fēngle lù!**”

“Are they talking to each other in Mandarin? Hey, I didn’t know Kris knew Mandarin!” Chanyeol looked at Baekhyun with wide eyes. Baekhyun rolled his eyes with a chuckle. He poked Chanyeol’s arm feebly.

“Kris is Chinese in origin, Yeol,” Baekhyun said. “I thought you knew that,”

“No way…” Chanyeol stared at Baekhyun with the ‘I-do-not-believe-it-but-it-makes-a-lot-of-sense’ face.

“Zǒu kāi, wǒ bùxiǎng kàn dào nǐ de liǎn. Zhuǎn dào zuìxīn de Zitao jiāhuo nǐ yīzhí tāotāo bù jué de!**”

“Luhan! Shut up, will you? If you stab me with that knife, there will be blood on your hands and I’m a police officer! At least let me help and – YAH!” Kris switched back to Korean. “I’m bleeding! Yah Xi Luhan, I swear-” Kris began.

“Shut your mouths! Can’t anyone get some decent silence around here without having two Chinese people yell at each other in a Korean apartment complex?” Baekhyun barked at the two that he couldn’t see.

“Sorry Baek,” both instantly apologized.

“You amaze me all the time,” Chnyeol grinned at Baekhyun. Baekhyun smiled back, his heart swelling in warmth and love. He held Chanyeol’s hands in his own.

“You’ve always amazed me no matter what it is that you do,” Baekhyun stroked the back of Chanyeol’s hand with his thumb.

“No matter what?” Chanyeol asked with a raised eyebrow.

Baekhyun’s smile faltered for just a bit.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun softly replied, “no matter what you do,” but this time he sounded a little hesitant in his statement and Chanyeol didn’t hear the hesitation. Chanyeol leaned forwards and kissed Baekhyun’s nose.

“At least you didn’t get a fever, but you must have been really tired and cold to have fainted like that, I hope you’re warm. The rain has finally hit Seoul but it’s colder than we expected it to be,” Chanyeol shrugged. Baekhyun stared at Chanyeol with wide eyes as he remembered what had been happening before he passed out in the café.

“T-the café…” Baekhyun stammered.

“Don’t worry, Luhan closed it early as an emergency,” Chanyeol nodded.

“Where is Jongin? Did he say anything to you? Chanyeol, what happened?” Baekhyun panicked.

“Jongin? Who’s Jongin, Baek?” Chanyeol asked in confusion.

“Did he say anything to you, Kris or Luhan? Oh no…” Baekhyun was on a panic drive. He didn’t want anyone he knew to meet Jongin even by chance and the devil had to walk into the café of all places. Baekhyun had wanted to disappear and die when saw Jongin standing in front of him at the counter. Baekhyun wondered if the kid even knew that he worked there. A single word from Jongin’s mouth could have led to Baekhyun’s cover being blown.

“Baekhyun who?” Chanyeol caught Baekhyun’s arms and looked at the brunette in the eyes seriously, eyes filled with concern. “No one said anything except for this one dark skinned guy asking if he should call an ambulance for you, but we said no because you hate hospitals. The guy seemed to know you, or he could just be really nice, I don’t know,”

Ambulance, Baekhyun’s foot!

“Now, who is Jongin?” Chanyeol asked. Luhan and Kris were standing in the room doorway, seeming to have rushed over when they heard Baekhyun’s outburst.

“No one…” Baekhyun whispered after a moment of silence. “No one, Chanyeol…”

Chanyeol bit his lip, looking hurt that Baekhyun didn’t trust him. Baekhyun’s heart cried out, wanting to reach for Chanyeol, but he couldn’t, he had to keep Chanyeol oblivious for as long as possible. He couldn’t put his burdens and problems on Chanyeol.

“I’ll go help Luhan make porridge,” Chanyeol said dully, he got up and before Baekhyun could grab his hand and beg him to stay, he walked out. Luhan looked at Baekhyun, emotionlessly, long and hard before he turned on his heel and followed Chanyeol. Kris walked forwards and sat down next to Baekhyun in the seat Chanyeol had been sitting in.

“So…” Kris said slowly. “Who’s Jongin?”

Baekhyun stared at him with huge eyes.

“I said he’s no one…”

“Yeah…and even a retarded person can tell you’re lying right through your teeth.” Kris sighed and massaged his temples. “Is there anything I should know, Baekhyun?”

“Like what?” Baekhyun asked weakly.

“Something important, such as why you’re so scared of what this Jongin might say?” Kris crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in his seat looking tired.

The tick-tick of the wall clock seemed louder than ever as Baekhyun and Kris stared at each other. Baekhyun as pale as a sheet and Kris in frustration. The tension floating in the air was enough to electrocute someone and more than that, Baekhyun had never been so scared of his best friend before, not even those three years back, where he had to lie his way through to protect everyone he knew.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kris.” Baekhyun said as firmly as possible. “Can you get me some water?” Baekhyun turned on his side and lied down.

“God, Baekhyun, look at me! Talk to me! What are you so scared of?” Kris cried in frustration.

 _You,_ Baekhyun thought.

\------o------

Baekhyun wrapped his scarf around his throat and checked his eyeliner in the mirror again. All was good. He grabbed his bag when the doorbell rang. Baekhyun froze with his hand stretched out towards his bag, wondering what to do. He listened quietly for the next ring, trying to find out who it was that was at the door. When he didn’t hear anything anymore he started edging towards his bag, slowly and hesitantly. The doorbell rang again. Baekhyun cursed under his breath.

“Baekhyun? Baek? Hey, are you free right now? I know that you’re in there,” Chanyeol’s voice called out. Baekhyun’s eyes widened in panic.

Of all people who had to come, of all times to come, of all days for Baekhyun’s plans to change! Baekhyun ripped the scarf off his neck and hurriedly changed into his pajamas. He ruffled his hair and then quickly wiped off his eyeliner. He shoved his bag into his closet and then started to walk towards the door.

“Baek? Are you asleep?” The doorbell rang again. Baekhyun opened the door.

“I’m awake,” Baekhyun grinned brightly.

Chanyeol smiled back.

“Why are the ingredients for spaghetti and veggies and sausages so heavy?” Kris groaned from the hallway. He was holding all the bags and Luhan was cursing in Mandarin – _as usual_ – right next to Kris while flipping through his phone. Baekhyun stared at all of them with large eyes.

“We’re here to cook dinner, or rather Chanyeol’s here to cook dinner,” Luhan shrugged before pushing past Baekhyun, muttering something about cats and their temper tantrums. Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol in confusion and the taller shrugged.

“I think he’s constipated,” Kris calmly stated before hauling the bags into the house.

“You’re here to cook dinner for me?” Baekhyun asked Chanyeol looking up at him with bright eyes.

“Course I am,” Chanyeol dipped his head, pecked Baekhyun’s lips and then pulled Baekhyun into the house. “You want to help cook?” Chanyeol asked, arm around Baekhyun’s waist. Baekhyun looked up at Chanyeol with an expression of disbelief, then he made a face.

“You know I only live on Ramyun, Yeol. I can’t even make decent egg rolls!” Baekhyun cried trying to wiggle away from the taller. Chanyeol’s grip on his waist tightened and a short gasp escaped Baekhyun’s lips as he was pulled closer to his boyfriend.

“Which is why you’re helping, Luhan can take a break because he’s on his period-” the blonde looked at Chanyeol with murderous eyes, “-Kris will sit down and be Luhan’s punching bag-” The taller blonde looked utterly horrified, “-and you and I can make dinner together like a married couple. How does that sound?” Chanyeol smiled down at Baekhyun with sincerity. Baekhyun had lost his breath. How was Chanyeol so beautiful? Just right then and there, Baekhyun felt himself falling in love with Chanyeol all over again.

“It sounds…let’s make dinner,” Baekhyun breathed out, gazing at Chanyeol in awe. Chanyeol bent down and kissed Baekhyun before dragging him to the kitchen while Luhan made fake gagging noises in the background and Kris told the smaller to _please shut up_ very nicely in Mandarin. Needless to say it earned him a black eye.

Just before dinner was on the table, Baekhyun ran into his room and pulled out his phone. He quickly texted someone.

_I’m sorry, I couldn’t make it. Was caught up and it’s busy._

Then he came back out of his room to see Chanyeol arranging the food on the table. Luhan _finally_ had brightened up and Kris was nursing a black eye, but hey, at least Luhan was happy! Baekhyun sat down next to Chanyeol and linked his left hand with his right for just a moment to intertwine their fingers. Chanyeol smiled at him brightly and then served him dinner.

“When you both get married I think I’m going to move in for Chanyeol’s food! No wait! Damn it, Baekhyun, I’m going to marry Chanyeol!” Luhan cried.

“Hey, get your own, ahjhussi!” Baekhyun hissed, wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s neck.

“I do not understand you guys at all, what’s so great about Chanyeol? He has a creepy smile,” Kris muttered. Both Baekhyun and Luhan turned to glare at Kris, all murderous intentions in their eyes. Baekhyun grabbed a chilli and shoved it into Kris’ mouth before he could even move. Kris choked violently, crying at the same time as he wailed about the spice.

Chanyeol stared in surprise while Luhan and Baekhyun laughed at Kris in glee.

“Why doesn’t anyone love me? I swear…” Kris wailed.

Baekhyun smiled and then turned towards Chanyeol. Chanyeol chuckled and then continued eating. Baekhyun reached forwards and gently brushed Chanyeol’s hair out of his eyes and then his eyes landed on a scar on Chanyeol’s forehead. Baekhyun’s smile faded. He still remembered where that scar came from. Chanyeol continued eating, not realizing Baekhyun’s feathery touch on his skin had come to a much unwanted halt.

\------o------

_Baekhyun and Chanyeol both searched for the books required for their papers in the library. Baekhyun pressed his tongue against the roof of his mouth as he glared at a certain book in utmost concentration, trying to discern whether this book had what he required or if it was a vague version of what he needed. Chanyeol was on the other side of the shelf, both of them could see each other through the gaps in between the books and in between the books and the top of the shelf. Chanyeol snaked his hand in between two books and poked Baekhyun’s forehead, a playful and sweet smile on his face, his glasses riding up his nose._

_Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol with wide eyes before he poked Chanyeol’s face as well, leading to a poking battle that had both of them giggling as softly as they could in the library filled with other students. Baekhyun’s only friend was Chanyeol. It wasn’t that Baekhyun was completely friendless, but all of his friends were back in his hometown and he hadn’t made any new ones except for Chanyeol. Baekhyun peered at Chanyeol from behind a book and caught the other staring at him._

_“Hey Baek,” Chanyeol whispered softly._

_“Hm?” Baekhyun hummed._

_“Let’s go and watch a movie after classes,” Chanyeol whispered._

_Baekhyun looked up at Chanyeol with wide, bright eyes. Baekhyun nodded, biting his bottom lips to keep from screaming happily. Chanyeol reached through the books again and poked Baekhyun’s forehead, a cheeky grin on his face. Baekhyun wrinkled his nose and poked back. They were childish having poke battles between bookshelves, but they were happy all the same. Baekhyun wouldn’t have it any other way. A lot of people said Chanyeol didn’t look as good, but then that was because people didn’t look past his glasses, creeper smile and eye twitch. In Baekhyun’s eyes Chanyeol was the best looking person on the planet. Baekhyun would do anything to have Chanyeol belong to him in the end._

_Just then Baekhyun noticed one of the younger girls named Jinri – who was pushing a book cart, stacked with towers of books – trip on something that he couldn’t see. Chanyeol wasn’t looking. Baekhyun suddenly saw the flash of the face he had learned to be terrified of and saw the uncontrolled cart coming straight at Chanyeol. Baekhyun’s eyes widened and he turned to run around the shelf to go to Chanyeol’s side, the other boy’s name leaving his lips in a shriek._

_“Chanyeol, watch out!”_

_Baekhyun rounded the shelf just as he heard the crash._

_“Chanyeol!” Baekhyun ran over to the taller boy who was lying on the ground, a flood of books on top of him, he seemed to have collided with a bookshelf. He pushed the books off of him and then pushed the unconscious taller boy into his arms. He was bleeding from his forehead, his beautiful face was bruised and his glasses were broken. “Chanyeol? Yeollie?” Baekhyun shook the other boy in panic. Jinri finally got up and she stared in horror._

_“Oh My God! Chanyeol Sunbae!” she ran forward and knelt down next to Baekhyun. “Chanyeol Sunbae! Wake up! Ireona!” Jinri cried in horror._

_Heavy footsteps and Mr. Bang was by their side._

_“Get him to the nurse’s office,” Mr. Bang’s deep voice ordered._

_Baekhyun and Jinri pulled Chanyeol up. A group of students and the library staff had crowded around the scene. Half-carrying, half-dragging Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Jinri pulled the bleeding boy to the office. Baekhyun cringing because Chanyeol’s blood was falling on his shoulder. He couldn’t even dare to look at Chanyeol’s tainted face, it made him want to cry._

_Once in the nurse’s office, Baekhyun and Jinri sat down, both of them as pale as sheets._

_“What happened?” the nurse asked._

_“I was returning books to their places for the librarian when I tripped and the cart went towards Chanyeol Sunbae,” Jinri sniffled. “I don’t remember what it was that I tripped on,” Jinri made a face. Baekhyun felt his entire body freeze up. “Oh wait! I think it was Mr. Bang’s foot. He really shouldn’t lounge around like that,” Jinri said._

_Baekhyun turned to look at Jinri, trembling like he was sick._

_“Mr. B-bang’s fo-foot?” Baekhyun stammered in question._

_“Yeah, Mr. Bang’s foot,”_

\------o------

“So Baek, you’re a little quiet over there.” Kris stated, stabbing a sausage unnecessarily with his chopsticks. Baekhyun turned to look at his best friend, feeling his heart rate rapidly increasing. Suddenly Baekhyun wanted to run, he felt like he could see his most feared face in the windows again. He felt like he was being watched, stalked the same way he was three years ago. He calmed himself by instead looking at a rather, disgustingly happy Luhan who had spaghetti sauce all over his face.

“Just thinking,” Baekhyun answered, the hairs on the back of his neck rising. He had a bad feeling, he knew something was about to happen. Instantly he turned to Chanyeol, a concerned look on his face. Chanyeol was happily eating his spaghetti. “Hey Yeollie, how are you feeling? Are you OK?” Everyone stared at Baekhyun in surprise.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” said Chanyeol with a nod.

“You aren’t feeling strange, right?” Baekhyun questioned his boyfriend.

“Nah,”

“Alright…” Baekhyun turned back to his spaghetti. He could still feel it, the feeling of impending disaster in the air.

“So hey, Chanyeol, I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Kris put his chopsticks down. Baekhyun looked up at Kris sharply, his gut tightening. _This_ , this was the bad feeling he was getting. Chanyeol looked at Kris with curious eyes. “Do you really not remember anything from that night?” Baekhyun felt his heart drop into his stomach.

“Kris…” he warned lowly.

Kris ignored him.

“What night?” Chanyeol asked in confusion.

“The night Baekhyun was attacked and you rescued him, that night Chanyeol, that night.” Kris said, eyes serious, brows furrowed together.

Chanyeol’s eyes widened.

“Ba-baekkie was a-attacked?” Chanyeol stammered.

“Yes Chanyeol, do you remember that night?”

Luhan had gone silent and was looking scared.

“Kris…” Baekhyun hissed.

“I-I do-don’t kn-know…” Chanyeol stammered.

“Try to remember Chanyeol, try,”

“Wu Yi Fan!” shouted Baekhyun getting to his feet.

There was a crash and suddenly Luhan cried out in horror. Chanyeol fell to the ground, screaming and clutching his head, he kicked his chair wildly and Baekhyun stood there, frozen in terror. Kris got to his feet and ran towards Chanyeol. Baekhyun felt his senses get back to him and he shoved Kris away from Chanyeol.

“Chanyeol! Chanyeollie!” Baekhyun shouted. He pulled the thrashing boy into his arms as Chanyeol continued screaming and crying. “Chanyeol!” he turned to Kris. “Call the bloody ambulance!” Baekhyun shouted at Kris. Kris whipped out his phone while Baekhyun hugged Chanyeol, looking like he was going to cry. “I’m right here Yeollie, I’m right here,” Baekhyun tried to stroke Chanyeol’s hair to calm him down but the other continued screaming.

Chanyeol suddenly slumped into Baekhyun’s arms.

“Chanyeol? Chanyeol!”

\------o------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh...I know this chapter is depressing...I showered Baekyeol fluff on all of you guys!! Translations are below, especially that argument Kris and Luhan had in chinese (I used lame old google translate for this so if anyone notices mistakes, blames google translate!):
> 
> Reference 1**: Porridge! Porridge is the best for his health right now, not meat! You stupid yellow tree!
> 
> Reference 2**: Alright! I'll leave you alone! Do whatever you want you crazy deer!
> 
> Reference 3**: Go away, I don’t want to see your face. Go date that Zitao guy you keep gushing about!
> 
> Korean Translations:
> 
> Ireona - get up/wake up


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some serious use of abusive language from this chapter onwards. So beware readers.

**“The past is never where you think you left it” – Katherine Anne Porter**

It wasn’t the first time. It had happened before, a little while after Chanyeol had gotten out of the hospital in the first place after the attack three years ago. Whenever someone would try to ask Chanyeol about that night, the night that was wiped out of his brain due to severe trauma, he would end up having fits, usually he would be fine after writhing around for a bit, but sometimes the fit would be really aggressive and he would pass out. Baekhyun was always there when it happened, but then one time it happened at Chanyeol’s work place when they had asked him about his college days. After a while, people stopped asking Chanyeol about stuff like that, stopped talking about it around him entirely. What suddenly prompted Kris to speak about it, question Chanyeol about it, directly enough to give him severe brain damage, was a mystery to Baekhyun. It also made Baekhyun absolutely furious.

Baekhyun paced back and forth outside of the hospital room. Inside, Chanyeol was with doctors and a nurse or two. Kris was staring at the ground, seated on one of the chairs meant for people who were waiting. Luhan stood a small distance away from Baekhyun, watching the door anxiously. Baekhyun was chewing on the pad of his thumb, teeth scraping it raw. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, demand to know how Chanyeol was, if he was OK, was he still asleep, would he need medication? Baekhyun’s feet stopped and his head shot up when the door opened and the doctors walked out.

“How is Chanyeol?” Baekhyun almost bawled in concern.

“He’s fine. He just needs a little rest. We put him to sleep, he’ll wake up tomorrow morning.” The doctor smiled kindly at Baekhyun.

“C-can I go in to see him?” Baekhyun stammered out.

“Yes, you may, but he won’t wake up right now,” the doctor said. One of the nurses smiled and held the door open for them. Baekhyun almost sprinted into the room, heart slamming against his ribcage, desperate to see Chanyeol. Chanyeol was lying peacefully on the bed, his eyes closed, hair slightly in disarray and lips curved in a small, peaceful smile. Baekhyun clutched his hand and fell to his knees beside the bed in exhaustion and relief. He felt like breaking into sobs, but then he couldn’t, not in front of Kris and Luhan. Sure, he had cried in front of them before, but now, he couldn’t. This was different in so many ways that he really couldn’t explain.

The ride back to Baekhyun’s apartment – where his two friends had decided to crash the night – was silent and filled with an uncomfortable tensed air. The moment the apartment door was closed, Baekhyun punched Kris straight in the face. Luhan squeaked in surprise and Kris hit the floor.

“Baekhyun what-” Kris began in shock.

“You son of a bitch! How dare you? Of all people I trusted you the most! I’m not even close to trusting Luhan. I’ve known you my whole life! Wu Yi Fan! How could you do that to him?” screamed Baekhyun grabbing Kris’ collar, yanking him up and punching him again. Kris spat out blood and shoved Baekhyun off him, getting to his feet, eyes aflame.

“And what about you, Baekhyun? I’ve known you my whole life! What about _you_? Why won’t you tell me anything? Why are you so mum about everything? Why are you pushing me so far as to questioning poor Chanyeol?” Kris shouted.

Baekhyun looked away from Kris, not able to look his best friend in the eyes.

“I know you’re not telling me everything, Baekhyun!” Kris growled out.

“Who says?” Baekhyun snapped at him.

“Everything screams it, Baekhyun! You can’t even look at me anymore! God damn it! Look at me in the eyes when I talk to you, Baek!” Kris shouted, grabbing Baekhyun’s collar and forcing the smaller male to look up at him. “I trust you with my life!”

Baekhyun stared at him with large scared and guilty eyes.

“You shouldn’t trust me!” Baekhyun screamed furiously, in the tall, Chinese man’s grip. “Why do you have to trust _me_?”

“Trust should be mutual, don’t you get it, asshole?” Kris snapped.

“Both of you stop it!” Luhan screeched at the glass breaking pitch. “Can both of you get your bromance issues sorted out in the morning after a decent night’s sleep? Or I swear I will brutally murder the both of you for ruining my beauty sleep!” Luhan pulled the both of them away from each other, giving them dark looks that chilled them to the bone. “Or wait, chuck that! Sort it out next week because, like _hell_ am I going to let my café go to failure because both of you are acting like high school girls fighting over the same guy!” Luhan pushed past Baekhyun and Kris and tossed himself onto the small bed. “I’m taking the bed with Baek. Kris, you can kiss the floor!”

\------o------

Luhan was a light sleeper. He guessed it came from the fear he had for several years, the fear of being kicked out of his home because he was unwanted, the child of a rapist, disgusting in the sight of his own mother, _human trash_. He was always awake at night as a teenager, convinced his mother would escape the hold of her boyfriend and his aunt and stab him to death, his screams muffled by his pillow. He never asked for it. It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t ask to be a freak that repelled the rules of a civilized society. He would wake even at the sound of the house cat going for a drink of water from his mother’s room.

This is why he woke up instantly at a strange sound. In the dark he couldn’t even tell where he was. He panicked for a brief second before he recognized the blankets on him. He almost threw up. No one in the universe actually owned blankets with oversized pictures of Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki printed on them. It was all too obvious that Chanyeol had them specially made. The sound once again drew Luhan out of his thoughts. He turned. Baekhyun was whimpering in his sleep, tears silently making their way out from under the brunette’s eyelids, creating dark and ugly tear marks on nearly flawless skin. Luhan had been around when Baekhyun had cried before. He didn’t really know what was going on in his friend’s life – they were weird, but real friends – but he could guess it was truly taking a huge toll on the younger’s life. Baekhyun refused to talk about it and Luhan was just glad that he was trusted enough to know at least a little more than the yellow haired giant sleeping in the dining room.

But as time went by, Luhan wondered why Baekhyun was continuing on with whatever he was doing. Luhan didn’t know if the eyeliner queen knew it, but he was killing himself slowly. Luhan was never one to express his emotions freely. His only outward motions were happy, sour, bitter, indifferent or just really ticked off. He definitely had a larger array of colors inside, but the majority was an angry, hurt display of emotions from his past. Luhan had a pretty trashy life, but he knew he wasn’t even close to getting to Baekhyun’s level. The entire world scorned Baekhyun, his own friends acted wary around him and the man – Luhan could clearly see – that Baekhyun loved couldn’t even love him back the right way because Baekhyun couldn’t do it properly.

Luhan was one of those silent observers. Although people around him just naturally thought he was as dumb as the color of his hair and that he spoke without thinking, it was completely the other way around. Growing up in an environment where he had to continuously save his own skin from his own mother, Luhan had learnt to be sharp, observant and cautious. What he acted like in the café was all a façade of sorts, but not a single word was wasted on Kris, Baekhyun and Chanyeol. As crappy Baekhyun’s life seemed to be, he was the color on Luhan’s white canvas. Luhan was alone till Baekhyun stumbled into his café that day, tired and wrung out. The moment Luhan merely asked if Baekhyun was OK – because hey, at first Luhan thought Baekhyun was drunk and he refused to deal with drunkards in his café – Baekhyun cried all over Luhan without meaning to.

Luhan felt the non-existent human side he had wake up and call to him to love the thing and care for the very kind of being that had kicked him out of the lousy shit he called a home his entire childhood with death threats. Because, Baekhyun never realized it, but he was a lost puppy and Luhan was a sucker for lost puppies, even if he felt like kicking them in the face on first sight. The moment he accepted one lost puppy, two puppy-wannabe-owners stumbled into his café in the form of Kris and Chanyeol. Despite Baekhyun’s obvious puppy aura and Chanyeol’s absolutely adorable oh-my-god-can-I-eat-you-alive aura, Luhan still was stone cold. Hey, talking to them in the first place was an achievement. Luhan would sooner shove Chanyeol into an oven than tell the younger that he could tell Luhan to put flowers in his hair and he would do it. Luhan was the brother of the stone mountains when it came to emotions.

And yet he found himself sitting up and pulling Baekhyun’s head onto his lap, gently stroking his cheek and running fingers through his hair comfortingly, trying to get him to stop crying.

He heard mumbles. He bent down trying to make sense of what the younger was saying.

“Chanyeol…please…please…” the younger whimpered. “Look at me…please…”

Luhan blinked. Whatever dream Baekhyun was having, it definitely was not a dream of the past.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…”

Concerned, Luhan patted Baekhyun’s cheek.

“Yah, yah, wake up. Hey, Byun Baekhyun, get up,”

Baekhyun sat up, eyes wide, glistening with tears, staring at Luhan with such a heart-broken and lost look that Luhan felt his heart shatter at those eyes. Luhan lost the fight with his hard exterior there. He pulled Baekhyun close to him and stroked his hair.

“Hey, it’s going to be OK. You’re alright. I’m here…”

Baekhyun sobbed into Luhan’s shoulder.

\------o------

Baekhyun and Kris refused to speak to each other for several days, even after Chanyeol woke up. Chanyeol was mystified as to why because he couldn’t remember anything about his fit. No one told him that Baekhyun was angry at Kris because he triggered his fit. That would make Chanyeol way too curious about everything. No one was ready to tell him anything. Luhan made sure to steer clear of moments Baekhyun and Kris were alone together. But there was only so long the two childhood best friends could stop talking to each other, especially when Baekhyun needed to lean on Kris.

It was raining again and Baekhyun was running in the rain, crying. He needed Kris. He ran all the way to the older man’s house, barefoot. People stared at him but he could care less about what the society thought of him, especially when he needed someone to comfort him and tell him everything was alright. He burst in through Kris’ door since he knew the pass code and ran in. Kris was sitting there with a dark haired man with dark bags under his eyes. Baekhyun instantly recognized Huang Zitao, the man Kris had been crushing on since High School. Kris looked up at him in surprise and Tao looked even more surprised and shocked. Baekhyun didn’t care that Tao was there, he _needed_ Kris.

“Kris I-” Baekhyun broke off and sank to the ground, sobbing.

Kris shot to his feet and was instantly at Baekhyun’s side. He pulled the cold and shivering Baekhyun into his arms, brows furrowed in concern. Kris had often wondered how he would apologize to Baekhyun and how he would get Baekhyun to return to him on his own accord and the chance came then. Kris lifted Baekhyun off the floor and carried him to his bedroom. Kris put him down onto his bed and then took off his shirt, then his pants. He quickly changed Baekhyun into new and dry clothes, trying desperately to ignore the marks on Baekhyun’s body. He quickly toweled Baekhyun’s hair and then stroked the soft locks till his best friend fell asleep.

He stood up and picked the wet clothes and towel from the ground and put them up in the bathroom to dry. He turned to the room door and froze. Tao stood there, eyes wide in confusion. Kris sighed and then walked back out to the living room once again. Tao followed him in silence.

“Kris ge, who is he?” Tao asked softly.

“My best friend, Byun Baekhyun,” Kris answered sitting back down on his sofa.

“Is he OK?” Tao whispered.

“I don’t know, but then, I never know,” Kris shrugged. “Maybe he’ll tell me what happened when he wakes up. Maybe he won’t utter a word to me when he wakes up. The only thing I can do right now is call up Luhan and tell him to bring the first aid kit from the café because Baekhyun’s feet are cut,” Kris sighed in exhaustion. He was tired of waiting for Baekhyun. From now on, he would hunt without Baekhyun.

Kris pulled out his phone and started texting Luhan.

“Who hurt him?” Tao asked hesitantly.

“I wish I knew…”

\------o------

_“Where are you going?”_

_“Back home, it’s getting late. Kris will search for me in a bit,” Baekhyun picked up his bag and lightly dusted the cheap material. He straightened up and turned around slowly when he heard absolutely no response from the deep voiced man. He let out a gasp of surprise when he realized the taller male was standing right behind him. The hair at the back of his head was grabbed and he was pulled closer, whimpering in pain. This man’s lips were just a couple of inches away from Baekhyun’s._

_“You’ve been avoiding me these past few weeks. You wouldn’t want to make the same mistake again now, would you?” the deep voice asked, his breath fanning across Baekhyun’s face. Baekhyun shivered._

_“I-I haven’t b-been avoiding y-you,” Baekhyun stammered with wide and frightened eyes._

_“Liar!” Baekhyun was struck across the face._

_Letting out a cry, Baekhyun fell to the floor, caressing his cheek while staring up at his attacker in fear. He grabbed Baekhyun by the hair at the top of his head, yanked him up and struck him again. Baekhyun collapsed on the ground, crying and hiccupping wretchedly on the floor. He was kicked in the side and then struck again. He was pulled into the taller man’s arms to look at him straight in the eyes through red and tear filled ones._

_“Why do you make me do this to you, Baek?” the man asked softly, running a finger across Baekhyun’s bruised cheek. Baekhyun trembled. “You know that I love you so much. Don’t you, my Baekkie?” he asked brushing his tongue across Baekhyun’s bruise, slowly. Baekhyun winced. “I asked you a question!” Baekhyun was hit once again, but held in place this time. Baekhyun sobbed._

_“I know, I know that you love me,” Baekhyun cried._

_“Then you should know not to keep me waiting, right?”_

_Baekhyun nodded frantically._

_“Who do you love, my pretty Baekhyunnie?”_

_“You…” Baekhyun hiccupped, crying. “I love you,”_

_“Correct. Come back quickly. Do not make me wait next time,” Baekhyun felt the arms around him let go of their bruising hold on his waist. He ran as fast as he could, not even bothering to pick up his shoes. He ran crying in the rain to his only refuge._

_Kris._

\------o------

Baekhyun didn’t tell Kris what happened when he woke up. But Kris let it go, instead treating his friend to ice cream and tteokbokki and taking care of him as much as he could. He even gave him piggy-back-rides to the café, which Baekhyun found ridiculous and embarrassing, but Kris would not have any talk about Baekhyun walking. Baekhyun seemed to keep a distance from Chanyeol, who didn’t know that Baekhyun got hurt. Baekhyun seemed to be trying to keep Chanyeol in the dark as much as possible.

Baekhyun was assigned to a high stool in the café so that he could sit and take orders from his seat. It was all a really big fuss in Baekhyun’s opinion, but despite his friends’ cold attitudes, they really did care about him. Sometimes Baekhyun would wonder, if the same thing happened to them, would he be ready to help them in the same way, or try to take care of them in the same way? With his life already in such disarray and chaos, Baekhyun had a hard time seeing it, and in the end, he gave up on trying to imagine what he would do.

Often, Baekhyun would lie at home in distress because even though he went to go visit the man as much as possible, his own words haunted him.

_You…I love you._

He wanted to rip his own hair out in frustration and cry. He didn’t love someone so absolutely monstrous. Or did he? He didn’t. It was a question that he couldn’t answer, because deep inside, he was confused about the answer. What had gotten into him? Baekhyun wondered if he should go to a psychiatrist to seek help. But he couldn’t do that. He was scared that everything he had been working for would crumble if he sought for help at the most inopportune time. If he needed help, he should have gotten it before everything got complicated. Baekhyun was ashamed of himself.

Everything was his fault. He didn’t realize that keeping his stalking from Kris would lead to such a complicated and huge problem. In fact, he should have told it to anyone he could when he figured out that he was being stalked by someone. But he really couldn’t back then. The shame and terror he felt when he understood who his stalker was led him to keep quiet about it, because if he revealed it, it would be such a big matter.

“Baek!” Chanyeol jumped in front of him as he dozed at the counter.

“Bloody Hell! Park Chanyeol, you scared me!” Baekhyun started.

“Are you sleepy?” Chanyeol asked with a small pout.

“Hm…” Baekhyun nodded with a faint smile. The customers were watching them curiously, but that didn’t matter because they were all High School girls. “I really can’t seem to stay awake. I think it’s because Kris doesn’t let me walk here in the morning so I have no morning exercise to wake me up.” Baekhyun rearranged his uniform tie.

“I can do something to keep you awake,” said Chanyeol with a smile.

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow in challenge.

“Can you?” he asked. Chanyeol nodded. Before Baekhyun could even blink, he leaned forwards and pecked his nose. Baekhyun stared, frozen in spot with big eyes. Chanyeol kissed his nose again, making sure to leave a little wet spot. “Chanyeol, what are you doing?” Baekhyun breathed.

“That lady was flirting with you,” Chanyeol whispered, kissing the little patch of skin between his nose and mouth. “I didn’t like it,” Chanyeol pressed his lips against Baekhyun’s in a chaste kiss before pulling away, only to kiss his mouth again after giving him an eye smile. He left one last, lingering kiss on Baekhyun’s mouth and then he stopped, pulling away to smile at Baekhyun. “Are you awake now?”

“More than awake…” Baekhyun whispered.

“I love you…” Chanyeol whispered against Baekhyun’s lips.

“I love you too…I love you so much,” Baekhyun said back and he almost flinched at the way the words stabbed him in his brain and heart. Tears stung his eyes momentarily but Chanyeol didn’t notice and just kissed him.

“Aaaand…as much as I love you two together, it would be really nice if you could keep your lovey-dovey-ness outside of my café, please?” Luhan’s sugar sweet voice broke through their bubble.

“Roger that, Miss Xi,” Chanyeol grinned, giving Luhan a salute.

Luhan muttered something under his breath in Mandarin. Most likely promises to rip off Chanyeol’s head later. Luhan merely smiled at Chanyeol, the ‘Sweet and Cute Pretty Boy’ image was essential for his café’s success. The High School girls were already busy discussing the relationship of Baekhyun and Chanyeol. Baekhyun wondered what would happen if Chanyeol decided to become a singer. He’d have girls after him all the time. Baekhyun chuckled at his own thoughts and he got back to work.

\------o------

The next day Chanyeol and Baekhyun went to Lotte World. Chanyeol seemed extremely off and Baekhyun couldn’t tell why. None of his smiles were creepy and twitchy and everything he did seemed almost forced. Baekhyun wanted to comment on it, but decided not to, believing Chanyeol would tell him what was up when he felt like it. Baekhyun was right. They got off the French Revolution and then Chanyeol turned to Baekhyun looking like a mess. Concerned, Baekhyun put his hand against Chanyeol’s cheek.

“What is it, Yeollie? Are you OK? Are you feeling well?” Baekhyun asked in concern.

Chanyeol merely blinked back tears.

“Do you feel funny? Chanyeol, are you OK?” Baekhyun asked in a worried tone.

“Baek, why can’t you leave him?” Chanyeol asked him bitterly, not able to look at Baekhyun in the eyes. Baekhyun’s hand fell to his side and his stomach lurched. After riding on all of those rides, Baekhyun still had a strong stomach, unlike some people who threw up after the first roller coaster. But the moment Chanyeol uttered those words, Baekhyun felt nauseous. Back then, his usual answer was, ‘I can’t’. Now, Baekhyun felt like Chanyeol needed a concrete answer.

Baekhyun gave a soft and pained smile, heart ready to shatter.

“Because…I owe my life to him…” was the soft answer.

“ _Your_ life to someone like _him_ ,” Chanyeol could not keep the venom from his usually happy voice. Baekhyun almost sobbed.

“He’s not evil, Yeollie…He just…he just has lost himself, you know,” Baekhyun’s voice almost trembled as he scuffed his shoe against the ground to steady himself. Baekhyun looked up at Chanyeol, eyes silently begging for the taller to please understand what a dilemma he was going through.

“Lost himself…” Chanyeol muttered disdainfully. He looked away from Baekhyun and observed the cotton candy vendor. Baekhyun wished Chanyeol would just look at him and understand some of the pain he was going through because he wouldn’t let Baekhyun be. “Baekhyun, you love me, right?” Chanyeol asked, hesitantly. He didn’t look at Baekhyun, fearing the rejection of the one he loved.

Baekhyun cupped Chanyeol’s face and turned his head so he was looking at him. “Of course I love you, Yeollie. I will never stop loving you. I love you and only you,” Baekhyun spoke the words sincerely, ignoring the mocking voices in the back of his head.

“Really?” Chanyeol sounded like an insecure and lost child.

“Really. You and only you,” Baekhyun whispered.

“I love you, Baek. I love you with all my heart, sometimes I feel like my heart might burst,” Chanyeol pulled the shorter brunette closer and hugged him, burying his face into his shoulder. Baekhyun held him, his gloved hands, pulling the man he loved closer. They both were so broken and they so desperately needed each other, but as fate would have it, they couldn’t even have each other wholly.  Baekhyun often cursed his fate. He wished he was ugly and mortifying, even if it meant that he couldn’t have Chanyeol. He just wanted to see Chanyeol smile. As the days went by, Chanyeol’s smiled got more strained.

“I know you do, idiot. I know you do,” Baekhyun bit his lip to keep himself from crying. He was the reason Chanyeol couldn’t smile anymore. It was all his fault. Baekhyun hated himself. He wished he could rot in hell. He definitely deserved it. It was his fault Chanyeol was like this and Baekhyun wished he could make Chanyeol smile again.

“I’ve loved you since we were in college together…” Chanyeol confessed, a story Baekhyun had heard several times already.

“I’ve loved you since then too,” Baekhyun said. It didn’t matter to him that they were in the middle of an amusement park and near to crying because he needed to hold Chanyeol like this to reassure himself that everything he was doing was not all for naught. The next question Chanyeol asked chilled Baekhyun to the bones.

“Baekkie, did something happen three years ago?” Chanyeol asked.

Baekhyun stiffened, a shiver running up his spine.

“Kris was asking me if I remembered anything frightening.” Chanyeol said.

Baekhyun pulled away, his face stone cold. He was going to murder Kris.

“Nothing happened three years ago, Yeol. Kris is being an asshole and is playing a prank on you. I bet you that Luhan put him up to the task. Or Kris is just being mean. Don’t listen to him when he asks questions like that. When he asks questions like that I want you to turn around and walk away. You hear me?” Baekhyun asked harshly. He was going to kill Kris.

Chanyeol blinked and then nodded.

“By the way, Kris was asking me if I remembered anything about our Biology teacher. Hs name was Mr. Bang, right?” Chanyeol looked down at Baekhyun in curiosity. Baekhyun went white.

“Yeol…” he started trembling in fear.

“Baek? Baekhyun, are you OK?” Chanyeol instantly panicked.

“I’m fine, Yeollie,” Baekhyun whispered. “Yeah, sure, I remember Mr. Bang…Our biology teacher…”

\------o------

_Chanyeol had gone back home early. His older sister was leaving for London with his mother for treatment. His elder sister had finally managed enough money for a trip there. Baekhyun walked out of the library alone, feeling scared. He knew very well that he was being watched. He heard something behind him. He spun around. Nothing. He turned back around and almost screamed._

_A large calloused finger was pressed against his lips to silence him. Baekhyun stared up at the taller man if fear. The man grinned down at him and the finger brushed not-so-subtly against his lips. Baekhyun was frozen in place. He couldn’t move._

_“I have a gift for you,” a box was pressed into Baekhyun’s hands. Baekhyun looked at the box that lay in his trembling hands. He looked back up at the man with wide eyes,_

_“W-why?” he stammered._

_“It’s been two years since we’ve known each other, Baekhyun.” Baekhyun shuddered at the way his name rolled of the other man’s tongue. Baekhyun shrank away as the man bent down to his eye level. “Are you scared, my Baekhyunnie?” Baekhyun closed his eyes and shrank away even more. “You’re so pretty like this Baekhyun, scared, white, small, and trembling. So, so pretty.”_

_Baekhyun wanted to run, but he couldn’t, not while he was still in the school building._

_“The gift is because I love you, Baekhyun ah,” the taller male grinned._

You don’t love me, you’re obsessed. You disgust me. _Baekhyun thought._

_“I have to go,” Baekhyun whispered hurriedly. He tore past the male and ran for his life, box clutched in his hands._

_“See you in class tomorrow, Baekhyun!” the male called._

\------o------

Baekhyun’s brother called. Baekhyun’s mother died and he was expected to be at her funeral. Baekhyun screamed at his brother over the phone about how he wasn’t responsible for the woman that abandoned him when he was raped. The argument over the phone was not pretty. It was filled with screams and tears. To make matters worse, Kris was there when he opened the door.

“How was your _date_?” Kris asked as soon as Baekhyun shut the door.

“Awful, no thanks to you,” spat Baekhyun.

“Was it now?” Kris asked in mock amusement.

Baekhyun clenched his fists. He spun around, aiming his shoe directly at Kris’ head. Kris caught it easily; Baekhyun’s aim never was that good anyways. A clearly sarcastic grin was on Kris’ face now. It had been a week since Chanyeol’s fit and like Luhan had asked them to, they were sorting it out like the masochistic men that they were.

“Tsk. Baekhyun,” Kris said in a chiding voice. “You shouldn’t throw things at your best friend,”

Baekhyun glared at him. “Best friend?” Baekhyun threw his head back, emitting a bitter peal of laughter. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? Huh? What the fuck is wrong with you? Did you take leave of your senses? Do you want me to take a frying pan to your head? Maybe you’ll regain your senses!” Baekhyun shouted at Kris.

“Your door password is still Chanyeol’s birthday. It was the same three years ago. Only, I never knew it was his back then. Tell me, did your stalker know about the password?” Kris asked Baekhyun with fiery eyes.

“How could you go and ask Chanyeol? You son of a bitch, what if you triggered one of his fits again? Do you really want me to kill you?” Baekhyun shouted, ignoring Kris’ question.

“Then who should I ask? The dead? Well I hope they talk!” Kris sneered. “There is absolutely no one I can ask but you and you won’t answer. Until you start talking Byun Baekhyun, I’m going to ask Chanyeol all I want and you can’t even stop me!” He followed Baekhyun to the kitchen where the brunette poured himself a glass of milk.

“I drop them!”

“What?”

“The charges! I drop the charges, Wu Yi Fan!” Baekhyun shouted.

“That’s not for you to decide, birdbrain! Yongguk died too!”

“Good riddance!”

“Shut up!”

“What am I supposed to say to you, huh?” Baekhyun snapped.

“I’m damn tired of this shit! I feel like I’m chasing my own tail. I’m tired of pretending you’re too fragile to question. Three bloody years Baekhyun and you can’t get over it! You are dating Park Chanyeol, the biggest baby on the planet and you have an abusive relationship with who knows. If you’re not strong for keeping up with all of that, what the actual fuck, Baek?” Kris growled.

“I’m reminded of that incident every minute of my life. OK? Every single minute and it haunts me! But what would you know? You’re not Luhan! You’re a block of fucking stone that has no feelings and the last person I need to remind me of that incident is you, so just shut up! God damn it!”

“You must know something! Anything! Who raped you? Who killed that man?”

“I don’t know!” Baekhyun cried.

“You know, you know something, Baek, and I know you do! I can tell!” shouted Kris. “Someone knows something!”

“I don’t know anything Kris! I know nothing! Stop this! Please just stop this already! Today is such a crappy day already! I don’t need you making it worse!”

Kris stood to his full height, staring Baekhyun down.

“Byun Baekhyun. You know something and you’re not telling me. What is going on?” Kris asked in a deadly low voice. “Why aren’t you telling me? What are you so afraid of?”

“I don’t know anything, Yi Fan! How many times do I have to tell you?” Baekhyun burst into tears. “What do I have to say to make you believe me?” Baekhyun sank to the ground, sobbing. Kris instantly knelt next to his friend. Baekhyun was stronger than this. What caused him to break out of the blue? Both of them knew Baekhyun was lying, but Kris let it pass, for just that moment.

Kris drew the smaller male towards him and gently stroked the trembling boy’s hair as he cried into Kris’ shirt. Baekhyun curled up and Kris realized how truly undernourished his best friend was. Definitely not the best time to bring up the rape incident.

“Tough day?” Kris gently asked, his voice was amazingly tender compared to the tone he was using just a while ago and Baekhyun appreciated the contrast.

Kris realized that he had been so blinded that he hadn’t noticed the little signs that Baekhyun had tossed his way. The little signs had begged for him to pick them up, but Kris just kicked them to the side, pretending that they didn’t exist. Baekhyun did everything systematically. In a way you could say Baekhyun had the obsessive-compulsive disorder. Baekhyun always took off his shoes and then his coat. This time it had been the other way around; something Kris should have noticed when Baekhyun threw the shoe at him. Baekhyun was going to drink milk, and Kris knew Baekhyun only drank it when he was upset ever since Kris had put him to sleep with warm milk and sugar when they were little kids and there was a thunder storm.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun mumbled.

Kris played with Baekhyun’s hair, a calming technique he had learned earlier on, when they were kids.

“What happened?”

“Omma died.” Baekhyun whispered. Kris tensed up. He remembered when Baekhyun cried in his arms after his mother called him a piece of trash, right after the raping incident. Baekhyun used to love his mother so much. There was so much Baekhyun lost three years ago and his mother’s support was one of them. “Hyung and I screamed at each other over the phone,” Baekhyun laughed bitterly. “He never even knew I was raped. Would you believe that?”

Kris massaged the back of Baekhyun’s hand.

“Luhan yelled at me for getting late, as usual, but today it hurt for some reason.”

Kris clucked tongue and muttered under his breath that Luhan was a lazy ass.

“And then Chanyeol brought up his insecurities,”

Kris closed his eyes. There was nothing much he could do about that.

“And then you…”

“I’m sorry, Baek,”

Kris put his friend to sleep. It was quite clear that even though the case was about Baekhyun, he couldn’t involve him and Chanyeol anymore. Kris pulled out his phone.

“Oh Tao, I need you to do something for me. Search for a Jongin. Maybe a college student. He’s a little shorter than me, dark brown hair, tan skin, full lips, probably dances and most likely does arts. Probably will have paint stains on his clothes. Oh, he also has an attachment with fair skin, pretty short, heart shaped lips, owl eyes, either plays the piano, or he sings. His name is Do Kyungsoo. But I just want that Jongin guy. Thanks.”

\------o------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning all of you before hand, keep the shoes ready throw at me. The plot is moving and the story is drawing a close. Be prepared!


	5. Chapter 5

**“You love me, right?**

**I had a very frightening and scary dream**

**You left me just like that, forever**

**It’s a dream where you can hear,**

**But can’t form a coherent word**

**You won’t have the chance to lose me**

**Don’t do it even if we fall short of one second**

**No, I won’t let you go**

**I’ll take all the negligible things**

**_You love me, right?_ ** **” – VIXX ‘Eternity’**

 

Baekhyun had a weird ability ever since he was young. He could tell the good days from the bad days and he could feel when something bad was going to happen. Baekhyun woke up in the morning with a bad feeling for the entire week. He knew that the week would be terrible and he was more than just scared, he was absolutely terrified, His skin was tingling with the bad vibe and his fear increased when there was knocking on the door. There shouldn’t be knocking, it was his day off. He got out of bed, wrapped himself up in his blanket and walked out to open the door. He froze as he recognized the person in the doorway.

“Hi, are you Byun Baekhyun?” the owl eyed boy in the doorway asked. Baekhun slowly nodded. “I’m Do Kyungsoo,” the boy held out his hand.

_Oh, but I know who you are. I spent an entire year hearing your name being gushed into my ear._ Baekhyun politely smiled and shook the boy’s hand.

“Uh, Kai sent me here…damn it, I mean Jongin, since you can’t possibly know the name Kai…” the boy rambled on nervously.

_I know who Kai is. I gave him the name because he was obsessed with his mirror._

The owl eyed boy was still going on. He was speaking complete rubbish to Baekhyun’s ears and what was worse was, the neighbors were looking at Baekhyun funny because he was wrapped up in his ‘Supernatural’ blankets.

“What does Kai want?” Baekhyun snapped. Kyungsoo blinked in surprise.

“Kris found him.”

Baekhyun thought he would faint. All his hard work was gone. He had to see Chanyeol! He needed to. Just as Baekhyun was about to go into panic drive, Kyungsoo put his hand on Baekhyun’s with a comforting smile, one that warmed up Baekhyun. Baekhyun had not seen a smile like that directed at him since forever.

“But he said that he would not tell Kris anything important. Your secret is safe with him. And believe me, when Kai says something like that, he means it,”

Baekhyun was still dazed by the younger male’s smile.

“I should go. Just pretend like you don’t know Kris met Kai and you should be good!” Kyungsoo smiled at him once again. “I have to go now, I have choir!” Kyungsoo turned and practically bounced away. Baekhyun watched him go.

_How foolishly young and naïve. I wish I was like him._

\------o------

“Good afternoon Mr. Kim,” Kris greeted the younger boy curtly. Jongin looked like he wanted to run for his life. His eyes were darting to every corner of the police station as he sat there across from Kris. Kris took the seat opposite to him. Jongin looked at him with wide eyes while chewing his lip. “My name is Detective Wu Yi Fan. But please just call me Kris. It makes thing so much easier for me and you as well.” Kris smiled. Jongin however, looked more terrified of the smile than reassured. “I believe you know my best friend. His name is Byun Baekhyun and he works at-”

“Is Baekhyun hyung alright?” Jongin instantly interrupted.

“Excuse me?” Kris asked in surprise at the very nervous college student.

“Well, the last time I saw hyung, he fainted at the café he works at. I couldn’t do anything to contact him after that,” said Jongin with a pout.

“Baekhyun is fine,” Kris told the younger male.

“Oh, that’s a relief,” Jongin smiled brightly. “Is he eating well? He used to eat only Ramyun. I told hyung that the Ramyun would make him sick. But he never listened to me. He always thought, ‘why should a college student like me with no time listen to a little high school brat?’ because honestly, isn’t that how all the college kids act like? I mean, even I act that way now. Not about Ramyun of course, I eat three healthy meals a day because my boyfriend Kyungsoo keeps shoving food down my throat, his food is fantastic and food is good for a dancer anyways.” Jongin nodded.

Kris blinked at the kid.

“He is eating well because he has a boyfriend now,” Kris lied about the eating part just so that the kid wouldn’t start an entire tirade again.

“He has a boyfriend now? Really? Is it Park Chanyeol? He used to go on and on about Chanyeol hyung back then! I had to pay him back with going on and on about Kyungsoo. He hated it when I interrupted him speeches about Chanyeol’s eyelashes to talk about Kyungsoo’s lips. But the look on his face when I interrupted him was always totally worth it!” Jongin laughed.

“Yes, he is dating Park Chanyeol. First of all, how do you know-”

“He really is dating Chanyeol hyung? Wow! Baekhyun hyung finally got him. He used to keep pining away about how he would never get Chanyeol and about how Chanyeol’s ex-girlfriend Kim Ye Jin would keep chasing after Chanyeol. I still remember when Baekhyun hyung wailed about how Chanyeol didn’t know what he was doing to his heart by being so nice to him and-”

“Just who the hell are you?” Kris snapped, losing his calm.

Jongin flinched.

“I-I’m K-Kim Jongin, arts st-student at-” Jongin stammered.

“Not that kid. How do you know Baekhyun?” Kris sighed in annoyance.

“Baekhyun hyung tutored me for a year…” Jongin whispered, definitely subdued and scared of Kris once again.

“Why is Baekhyun scared of what you might say to me, or anyone he knows in fact?” Kris asked.

Jongin gaped at Kris.

“I don’t know…” he whispered.

“What do you know of Baekhyun’s raping incident three years ago?” Kris asked.

“Baekhyun hyung was raped?” Jongin looked like he was about to throw up, or cry. One of the two. He looked up at Kris with the same scared gaze he had when he first saw Kris. “But he told me that his stalker-” Jongin’s eyes widened and he slapped his hands over his mouth. Kris raised his eyebrows and leaned forwards. Finally an interesting scrap of information fell from the brat’s mouth.

“Continue that sentence or I will charge you for withholding information from the police which is a crime as well,” said Kris threateningly.

“Baekhyun hyung said his stalker would never do something like that, he had too much at risk…that’s why he often asked me to walk him back home because he knew his stalker would never do anything to harm me…” Jongin whispered.

“You were the only one that knew he was being stalked during that time, Jongin. Do you realize what you have done? Because of you, Baekhyun got raped! A man got murdered!” snapped Kris.

Jongin’s head snapped up to look at him. “A man got murdered?” Jongin gasped. Jongin started trembling. “I didn’t mean to…I swear I didn’t…I’m so sorry Detective Wu, I’m so sorry…”

“It’s alright, you can go,” said Kris, waving his hand at Jongin.

Jongin turned and fled the scary police station.

\------o------

“How’d it go?”

“I don’t know, Soo, I should be given an acting award. The Detective completely fell for it.”

“Shut up! This is nothing to be proud of. You’re deceiving the police!”

“I had to do it for Baekhyun hyung. I owe him that much.”

“Yeah, and you landed in the hospital with a knife wound because of him.”

“Because of him I got you. I owe him for life. I wish I could do more for him.”

“You are such an idiot.”

“But you love me, don’t you?”

“Urgh…sometimes I wonder why I do…but anyways…who was his stalker?”

“Do Kyungsoo!”

“Yah! Can’t you tell me? It’s not like I’m going to open my mouth!”

“I can’t tell you something like this. It will ruin your pretty ears.”

“Omo, you cheesy brat. Come back here and I will kill you!”

\------o------

**“I may be smiling right now but I’m trying to hold it in**

**I’m strongly clutching my two hands**

**You’re being deceived when I’m saying that I’m OK**

**I’m shedding all my tears behind your back” – Boyfriend ‘Janus’**

Baekhyun was dragged out of his apartment and into Kris’ new car which he had bought to impress Tao. Luhan and Chanyeol were already in the car. Luhan was fiddling with the radio system and informing Chanyeol that none of the new groups knew how to sing nowadays. That was until he stumbled upon Boyfriend’s ‘Janus’. He sat back and enjoyed the song while Baekhyun sat there uncomfortably while Chanyeol sat there stiffly. Luhan and Kris did not realize the song was affecting their two friends in the back seat and sang along with the song happily.

They arrived at a noraebang and Baekhyun instantly brightened. He hadn’t been to a noraebang since forever and he missed hanging out with Kris in one noraebang room till both of them were either too drunk or too tired to sing anymore. It brought back good memories. Chanyeol put his arm around Baekhyun’s waist and smiled down at him. Baekhyun chuckled softly and moved closer to Chanyeol, allowing his boyfriend to haul him to the noraebang room Kris rented out. It didn’t bother Kris that it was practically raining cats and dogs outside, he wanted to sing in a noraebang and no one would stop him. Which technically resulted in them all half drowned and cold. But they turned up the heater, so all would be well.

Kris chose and sang the first song. He sang Big Bang’s ‘Tonight’ and it was ridiculous, the way he pronounced the Korean words. Luhan, Baekhyun and Chanyeol ended up dying of laughter on the sofas because of how silly Kris was. Luhan picked up the mike next. He picked U-Kiss’ ‘0330’. Baekhyun and Chanyeol stared at him open mouthed in shock while Kris ordered more food and alcohol because: Whaddya know, the sharp tongued blonde had an amazing voice.

Baekhyun was sent up to sing. Baekhyun sorted through the songs till he picked Hyorin’s ‘I Choose To Love You’. Baekhyun put the mike to his lips. It had been a long time since Baekhyun had sung and all honesty, he was more than nervous about it. He started singing and everyone stared at him. Once he was done he quickly hurried to his seat, heart pounding in his chest, cheeks red in embarrassment. Chanyeol pulled him abruptly into a warm kiss.

“Byun Baekhyun…can I marry you?” Chanyeol asked.

Baekhyun turned even a deeper shade of red.

“Yah, Park Chanyeol…are you already drunk?” Baekhyun stammered. Chanyeol grinned at him and buried his face into Baekhyun shoulder. Baekhyun smiled and patted Chanyeol’s head. Chanyeol placed a gentle kiss to Baekhyun’s neck before he got up and went to the front for the mike. He flipped through the songs. He chose Hong Dae Kwang’s ‘You and I’. Chanyeol smiled at Baekhyun.

“Baekhyun ah, this one is for you,” he said, before he sang.

Sometimes Baekhyun would wonder how he managed to score such an amazing boyfriend as Park Chanyeol. Baekhyun remembered how he would sit there in class staring at him. New to the college environment, friendless and insecure, Baekhyun found himself attracted instantly to the good-looking, tall, nerdy and charming male that sat right next to him in more than one class. He never thought his little crush would be returned.

In no time, they were wasted and drunk. Luhan kept hiccupping and giggling. Baekhyun was curled up on Chanyeol’s lap and both of them were mindlessly kissing and whispering words of love to each other. The waiter entered with more food and drinks. Luhan stood up to help him and then tripped and fell into the waiter’s arms. Luhan looked up at the boy and giggled.

“Hey, you’re cute! What’s your name? Oh wait…your name tag says…Oh Sehun!” Luhan giggled drunkenly before passing out in the waiter’s arms.

Baekhyun heard Kris calling someone and broke away from Chanyeol to listen to Kris.

“Oh Zitao…” Kris mumbled.

“Hello? Yifan-ge?”

“Woaini…” Kris slurred his confession, making it sound all like one word.

“Yi-Yifan-ge?”

“Please take care of my Kris!” Baekhyun bowed towards the phone in a rather ridiculous manner.

\------o------

Baekhyun woke up with the worst headache of the century. He woke up to Kris screaming his head off and shaking Luhan awake excitedly. Luhan was screaming and swearing in Chinese as he battled Kris off with a pillow. Chanyeol whined and clutched Baekhyun’s shirt harder while curling up against the smaller male. They were in Luhan’s apartment by the looks of it and Baekhyun and Chanyeol were on the sofa. Luhan seemed to be the only one that made it to the bed. Kris had been sleeping on the carpet. Kris kept screaming and Chanyeol whimpered. Baekhyun picked up one of the sofa pillows and threw it at Kris.

“Shut up Kris! Chanyeol is trying to sleep!” Baekhyun snapped.

Kris turned to Baekhyun, a full pout on his lips. Baekhyun cringed in disgust. What on earth had stoic Kris doing aegyo early in the morning? It made Baekhyun want to throw up. Baekhyun groaned and massaged his temples, trying to keep the damn headache at bay and Kris wasn’t even helping, in fact his smiled was worsening the headache in all ways possible. Chanyeol shifted and  wrapped his arms around Baekhyun, burying his face into his chest.

“I swear, he’s so cute! He’s like a cute koala bear!” Kris beamed.

OK, Kris was on drugs. Baekhyun was sure his best friend was on drugs. There was nothing else that could possibly-

“Tao accepted my confession!” Kris was in his face, smiling like a million watt light bulb. Oh and besides drugs, there was that. It hurt to look at his smile. It was sickening that it was the first thing that Baekhyun and Luhan had to see early in the morning. It was another story if Chanyeol smiled at him like that. If it was Chanyeol it was just plain adorable. When Kris smiled like that, it was borderline psychopathic. It scared the shit out of Baekhyun.

“Oh my god, get out of my face. I feel like vomiting on you,” Baekhyun snapped, shoving Kris’ face away. “Go fix me tea. You do have tea, right?” Baekhyun looked at Luhan.

“First, top closet,” Luhan mumbled from his bed. “get me a tea as well, especially since you look like you could cure the fucking mutants from X-Men, heaven knows I need to see a doctor for my cramps, I’m aging too fast,” Luhan continued rambling as Baekhyun looked down at Chanyeol who was snuggled against him. Baekhyun smiled and kissed his forehead, smoothing out the wrinkle in between his eyebrows. Chanyeol relaxed in Baekhyun’s embrace as the brunette gently massaged his shoulders.

“I love you so much, Yeollie, I wish you knew how much.” Baekhyun whispered.

Chanyeol continued sleeping.

“I would kill myself for you, so please, Yeollie, please don’t leave me because I’m inadequate. I just want to see you smile all the time and I can’t even do that for you. But I can’t help it, I’m trying so hard…so hard…” Baekhyun kissed Chanyeol’s lips. “Just wait a little longer and I will take care of you,”

“You’re muttering to yourself, or you’re talking to a sleeping Chanyeol, I can’t tell which one makes you more insane,” Luhan said from his bed.

“I’m glad you acknowledged my insanity, it makes me feel so much better,” Baekhyun sarcastically shot back. Luhan burst out laughing before clutching his head and whining about dumb alcohol. It was his fault he drank so much. Baekhyun watched Chanyeol’s sleeping face for a little more before Kris was back, the freaky smile still on his face.

“Here’s your tea, Baekkie!” Kris almost sang out.

“I want to kill you,” Baekhyun muttered, taking the tea.

“I want to kiss you!” Kris giggled.

“I’m throwing the freak out!” Luhan shot out of his bed and ran at Kris, looking like a crazed zombie.

\------o------

Baekhyun wrapped up the muffin and handed it to the man at the front with a bright smile.

“Here you go, sir. Have a good day!”

The next customer asked for hot chocolate. Baekhyun left Luhan to the counter and then left to the back. No one had asked for Hot Chocolate in a while and so he had to fetch stuff from the back. Before Baekhyun had even made it to the door, Luhan grabbed his wrist and dragged him to the storage room, a hysterical look on his face.

“Oh God! Baekhyun, what do I do?” Luhan wailed.

“What happened, Luhan? Are you OK?” Baekhyun asked in concern. Luhan put a finger to his lips and then pulled Baekhyun to the door. Luhan cracked it open slightly so that they could see the faces of the customers. Luhan turned to look at Baekhyun.

“Is that the guy that ordered the Hot Chocolate?” Luhan whispered.

“Yeah…”

Luhan shut the door.

“He’s the kid from the noraebang! I’m dead, Baek! I acted like an idiot in front of him and I passed out on him! How am I supposed to face him?” Luhan cried. Baekhyun burst out laughing and almost fell over. He clutched his stomach as the pains from laughing too much kicked in.

“Go out there right now, Xi Luhan, and pretend that you don’t know him. Show him a different you to redeem yourself,” said Baekhyun.

“Should I?” Luhan asked with bright eyes.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes.

“Do you want me to go out and flirt with him?” Baekhyun snapped at Luhan.

“Right, going out,”

“Tell him that we’re out of Hot Chocolate and ask him if he’d like anything else,” said Baekhyun, pushing Luhan out of the storage room. Baekhyun followed Luhan out and stood at the drinks section. Luhan smiled at the younger kid.

“I’m sorry. We’re all out of Hot Chocolate. Would you like anything else?” Luhan asked.

The kid gaped at Luhan.

Luhan blinked expectantly at the younger boy.

“Y-you…” the boy stammered.

“Yes?” Luhan asked.

“He would like a chocolate frappe,” the bronze haired boy behind him said impatiently. The kid still gaped at Luhan. “And I would like a kiwi lemonade.” The bronze haired male whacked the boy’s head. “What the hell are you staring at, Sehun?”

“One chocolate frappe and one kiwi lemonade coming right up,” Luhan smiled once again and Sehun was dragged away by his bronze haired friend. Luhan breathed a sigh of relief and Baekhyun sent him a thumbs up before Luhan smiled at the next customer and took their order. Baekhyun went to Sehun’s table with the order.

“Excuse me,” Sehun cut in as Baekhyun started to walk away.

“Yes?” Baekhyun smiled.

“You guys were at the noraebang two nights ago, right?” Sehun asked. Baekhyun just sent him an amused smile before walking away. Baekhyun walked back to the counter and looked at Luhan with a grin.

“He has an acute memory of you,”

Closing time and Kris and Chanyeol found themselves at the café, sipping their favorite drinks. Chanyeol propped his elbows against the counter and watched Baekhyun clean up with a faint smile on his face. Kris nudged Chanyeol with his knee and the happy virus turned to Kris with a questioning look in his eyes. Kris and Chanyeol were not ones to talk much. They knew each other through Baekhyun. They weren’t close as in ‘friendship bracelets and braiding hair’ close but more like ‘acquaintances with a common interest’ close. They weren’t like Luhan and Baekhyun. They in fact never had a serious conversation with just the two of them before. Sure Kris talked to Chanyeol after the incident for the investigation, but they never really _talked_.

“What are you looking at?” Kris asked.

“Baekhyun…” Chanyeol hummed with a smile.

“Why?”

“Because…” Chanyeol trailed off, eyes settling on Baekhyun who was scrubbing a table, with a frown on his face. “He’s just so beautiful…he shines like the sun, you know.” Chanyeol sipped his drink. “I’m so lucky to have someone like him. I used to stare at him in class all the time thinking I had no chance with him. Now look where I am,”

Kris smiled.

“You really love him, don’t you?” Kris asked.

“Of course, I love him with all my heart,” Chanyeol answered. Kris thoughtfully swirled his drink in his cup.

“Do you play ‘Left 4 Dead 2?” Kris asked. Chanyeol looked at him with wide eyes.

“I love that game,” Chanyeol stated solemnly. Kris grinned.

“Want to come over to my place sometime and play with me?” Kris invited Chanyeol casually. Chanyeol grinned at Kris. For the first time since Kris had met Chanyeol, he decided that maybe Chanyeol’s smile wasn’t that creepy after all. Chanyeol nodded. Maybe they could become friends.

Luhan came out of the back and turned to Kris.

“Yah! Where’s the grocery list that I sent you?” Luhan snapped.

“Here,” said Kris putting the bag on the counter.

Baekhyun chuckled as Luhan grabbed Kris’ hair and started yelling something about not telling him beforehand was the worst thing that Kris could do to him. Kris ran around the café with Luhan on his heels. Suddenly Baekhyun heard a footstep to his right. Oh Sehun had just stepped out of the bathroom and was staring at Luhan. Baekhyun’s eyes widened in shock.

“You! Were you hiding in the bathroom all this time?” Baekhyun shouted.

Luhan turned, spotted Sehun, let out an unmanly shriek and fell over, face forwards. Sehun hurried over to Luhan’s side and pulled him up. Luhan stared at the younger boy with wide eyes, face turning red as he realized that the kid’s arms were around his waist. Luhan quickly pushed Sehun away.

“Yah! W-what are y-you doing? My cafe is closed!” Luhan stammered.

“Oh Sehun,” said Sehun bowing to Luhan.

“Eh?”

“I’m Oh Sehun,” Sehun straightened up.

“Uh…Xi Luhan…” said Luhan slowly.

“Can I take you out?” Sehun asked. Chanyeol fell off his seat, Baekhyun’s jaw dropped and Kris stared at Sehun like he was an alien. Luhan gaped at Sehun in shock.

“Excuse me?” Luhan asked.

“I would like to take you out if that’s OK with you,” said Sehun.

“Let’s not talk here!” Luhan said quickly, grabbing Sehun’s arm and dragging him out of the café.

“That kid is asking for the devil,” said Kris.

\------o------

Baekhyun ran once again, crying, this time it wasn’t raining though. It was nearing eleven thirty in the night. He ran to Kris’ house once again but stopped outside. The door was bolted and locked from the outside. Baekhyun needed help. He needed someone to cry all over. This time, Baekhyun’s lip was split and a purple bruise was forming on his jaw. He ran towards Luhan’s house to discover Luhan was out as well. Heart slamming in his chest, he ran to his apartment, knowing that he would never show his state of brokenness to Chanyeol. He would never show Chanyeol just how hurt he was. He ran to his apartment and froze as he saw Chanyeol standing outside his door, hand ready to ring the doorbell.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s eyes met. The door was opened and Chanyeol gently pulled Baekhyun inside, kissing him sweetly and tenderly, tears mixing with love as Chanyeol cried as well. Treating Baekhyun like a china doll, Chanyeol gently pushed him down onto the mattress. Every mark that was created by the man that abused Baekhyun was replaced by two marks of love created by Chanyeol. It was there Baekhyun lost himself and cried in Chanyeol’s arms, cried and let Chanyeol love him completely and wholly, as broken and lost as both of them were. For the first time since Chanyeol and Baekhyun met, Chanyeol made love to Baekhyun.

\------o------

Baekhyun hummed to himself happily. Everything was perfect. Kris and Tao were finally dating, Luhan finally found someone that he really _couldn’t_ bully and Baekhyun and Chanyeol were in a very happy stage in their relationship. Baekhyun had just seen Chanyeol two hours ago and he already missed him. It was late and the majority of Seoul was already asleep. Baekhyun was just getting ready to sleep as well. He bounced onto his bed and picked up his phone. He gasped in surprise as he realized that thirty minutes ago, Chanyeol had sent him a text.

**_I miss you already. Tomorrow I won’t be able to see you because I’m going to Busan._ **

Baekhyun giggled and texted him back.

**_Then why don’t you come over and we can sleep together?_ **

Baekhyun dozed off and about fifteen minutes the doorbell rang. Baekhyun sat up. No way, Chanyeol actually came? Beaming, Baekhyun ran to the door and threw it open.

“Baekhyun,” the low and thick voice said.

Baekhyun’s smile faded. Before he could slam the door shut, his wrists were grabbed, a cloth was stuffed into his mouth and he was thrown over the male’s shoulder, struggling and kicking wildly. It was useless of course, no one in his apartment complex was awake anyways, and it wasn’t like Baekhyun wanted them to wake up, he wanted them all to stay asleep. Baekhyun was carried down the stairs and shoved into the backseat of an old, broke-down car.

“Goodnight Princess,”

Baekhyun’s world became darkness.

**“I had a very frightening and scary dream**

**We started everything together, from the beginning**

**Everything is still when you’re not here**

**You leaving me is a momentary dream**

**I’m in search of the ruthless night which knows no end**

**Again, I close my eyes. And again, I delve into that dream**

**To the dream that I would not awaken from, for eternity” – VIXX ‘Eternity’**

 

\------o------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and the second last chapter is up!! Are you guys excited? I definitely am!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter you guys!! I'll just say, "prepare the shoes."

**“If I can’t have you, I will just live for you**

**If it’s you, I’m ready to get hurt as much as I can**

**Look carefully at what I’m going to do now**

**If it’s you, I don’t care about saving my body**

**Just say the name, whoever it is, I will bring them all here**

**Tick tock tick tock, may it all be fulfilled” – VIXX ‘Voodoo’**

The first thing that occurred to Baekhyun was the fact that he wasn’t wrapped up in his ‘Supernatural’ blankets. Instant alarm bells rang in his head. What the hell was going on? His eyes shot open and he instantly recognized the thick array of cobwebs on the ceiling. Everything that had happened the night before rushed back into his mind and he sat up in horror, scrambling for the mini digital clock on the dressing table to check the time. He should have been at the café an hour ago! But why was he alone in bed? Baekhyun seemed to stop breathing as he heard the expectant tap-tap of a shoe on the worn, wooden floor. He slowly turned.

The taller male sat on one of the chairs by the bed, observing him with dark, dispassionate eyes. Baekhyun’s mouth went dry. The male stood up and made his way over to Baekhyun. Baekhyun shrank away in sudden fear. His chin was grabbed by an index finger and thumb and he was yanked forwards to look at the male in the eyes. Baekhyun felt cold and all he wanted to do was to run away, scramble up the bed and jump out the window into the overgrown yard below.

“Morning Princess, how are you feeling?” the deep voice asked.

“I have to go to the café and you know it, why did you bring me here?” Baekhyun asked, shakily.

“It seems we still have things to sort out, isn’t that right, Baekhyunnie?” he hissed at Baekhyun, eyes cold and unusually hard. Baekhyun had a bad feeling, a very bad feeling about that day. His mind was screaming at him to run, but his body was paralyzed in fear. Baekhyun was almost never wrong when it came to bad feelings. His mind tried to shake him awake, but he couldn’t even breathe. Just as he was about to bolt and run, he was struck across the face. “You are nothing but a bitch and a cock-slut! You hear me?” the male shouted.

Baekhyun curled up on the mattress, crying and whimpering as blows rained down on him. His hair was grabbed and he was dragged off the bed, landing painfully on the ground. He was kicked repeatedly and violently. The back of his neck was grabbed and he was pulled up to face the male, crying, his swollen eyes squeezed shut as tears rolled out incessantly.

“Tell me Baekhyunnie, how many times did he touch you?” the male hissed in Baekhyun’s ear. Baekhyun tried to struggle away, silently crying. He was punched in the face. “Didn’t you hear me, you bitch? I asked you, how many times did you let that fucker touch you that he left marks that I can see?” the shout was followed by kicks and pained cries.

Baekhyun curled up into a tiny ball, shielding his head.

_Chanyeol, Chanyeol, Chanyeol…_

“Evidently you refuse to open your mouth.” Baekhyun was pulled up and shaken violently. “Who is it that you love, huh, Baekhyun?” the male shouted in his face.

“You! I love you! Please, please…I love you!” Baekhyun cried.

“Fucking-lying-slut, I’ll teach you who to lie to!” Baekhyun was thrown onto the bed.

“No please, please listen to me! Please!” Baekhyun cried.

\------o------

“Bloody hell, Xi Luhan, today is my off day, let me sleep in,” groaned Kris when he picked up his phone to hear the blonde screeching on the other end. Kris tried to pull his blankets over him more in an attempt to secure the warmth that was escaping. Hopefully, as soon as Luhan was done yelling at him, he could go back to sleep, wake up late and take a nice, warm shower.

“Are you even listening to me, you giant oaf? Baekhyun is missing!” Luhan shouted again.

“So you want me to go and search for him again…” Kris sighed.

“Yes!”

“Maybe Chanyeol and he were at it again and both of them refuse to wake up…” Kris was really trying to sleep.

“They aren’t answering their phones, you dimwit!” Luhan snapped.

“So?”

“Get out of your bed and go find Baekhyun before I march over to your house and strangle you to death!” Luhan shouted. Kris sat up, rubbing his head, a pout on his face as he tried to wake up from his half asleep state.

“Wait a moment. Is that even fair? You’ll kill me when it’s not even my fault?” Kris whined into the phone.

“If I kill you, it will bring less harm to my café, now get out of bed and find Baekhyun for me, _now_ ,” Luhan sounded scary over the phone. Kris scrambled out of bed and was in his car in record time. First stop, Seoul Forest. It was closer anyways. Baekhyun wasn’t there. Second stop, Baekhyun’s apartment. Kris got to Baekhyun’s floor and froze. People were outside of Baekhyun’s apartment and peering inside.

“Move out of the way!” Kris demanded. He got to the front. Baekhyun’s door was wide open. He ran into the house. Baekhyun’s phone was on the bed. Kris’ eyes widened. What was happening? He ran back out to the neighbors. “Where is Baekhyun?” he asked. The neighbors all started to walk away. “My name is Detective Wu Yi Fan. Someone tell me what is going on right now before I take all of you in for investigation!” Kris shouted. Everyone hesitantly looked at him.

“We don’t have CCTV here, but my son last night saw someone carrying Baekhyun out of the apartment complex, he says Baekhyun was struggling. I wouldn’t pay much attention to that though, my son was drunk last night,” said one woman.

“Shit!” Kris hissed. He ran out of the apartment complex and got into his car. He started driving away while phoning up Luhan.

“Well, did you find him?” Luhan snapped as soon as he picked up the phone.

“Luhan, Baekhyun has been kidnapped by the guy who abuses him. We need to find him fast. More than that, I don’t want you to utter a word to Chanyeol. He can’t know.” Kris said.

\------o------

_Baekhyun lay there, crying. He was very close to falling into a state of unconsciousness and he didn’t want to faint, he needed to run away. Baekhyun was kicked in the stomach. He curled up, whimpering as the man quickly cleaned Baekhyun of all evidence of rape. He gathered everything into a small plastic bag and threw it into the open drainage system on the side of the road. Baekhyun started to crawl away, slowly and weakly. The hair at the back of his head was grabbed and he was yanked backwards._

_“I enjoyed you while I could, Princess, but now you’ll have to say goodbye,” Baekhyun tried to wriggle away, shivering in fear as he saw the row of pearly, white teeth glow in the dark. Baekhyun’s eyes widened in horror as he saw a knife glint in the dark._

_“Please, no please! Tell me what you want! Please!” Baekhyun cried._

_“Hello? Baekhyun hyung?” a voice gasped._

_Baekhyun choked on his tears._

_“No! Jongin, get out of here! Now!” Baekhyun cried trying to struggle free._

_“Baekhyun hyung!” Jongin ran at the man that held Baekhyun in an attempt to help Baekhyun escape. The man easily evaded Jongin, tripping him. Jongin let out a cry and fell on top of Baekhyun. Jongin looked down at Baekhyun with scared eyes. “Hyung…” Baekhyun saw the man stand up behind Jongin and raise the knife._

_“Jongin! Watch out!” Baekhyun screamed. Baekhyun heard the sickening sound of the knife being plunged into Jongin’s side. “No! Jongin, Jongin!” Baekhyun screamed. Jongin staggered to his feet and he was kicked in the face, landing on the ground and there was the sound of a painful crack. “Jongin!” The man walked over to Jongin raising the knife. Baekhyun stumbled to his feet and ran at the man, sending him to the ground. “Jongin, get out of here! Go the hospital!”_

_“But hyung-”_

_“Get out of here! For Kyungsoo!”_

_Jongin got to his feet and ran off, clutching his side as Baekhyun was pinned to the ground again. Baekhyun cried and tried to struggle away as he was hit without rest. Baekhyun felt himself slowly slipping away. And then the light of a flashlight was trained on them._

\------o------

“I’m sorry, the café is closing because of a certain emergency,” Luhan bowed to the customers and ushered them out. A tense and frantic Kris stood by the counter as Luhan very politely threw his customers out of the café. Sehun looked at Luhan with wide eyes. “I’m sorry, Sehun, but you need to go too,” Luhan nodded. Sehun looked like a kicked puppy.

“I can help with whatever is going on,” said Sehun.

“Let him stay,” Kris sighed, rubbing his forehead.

They locked the café doors and Luhan hurried over to Kris, Sehun following him in concern. Luhan looked up at Kris, worry etched all over his usually pretty features. It was raining outside and people were running around frantically. The air inside the café was boiling over with tension.

“What’s going on? Where’s Baekhyun?” Luhan asked.

“Kidnapped. Luhan, I need you to tell me everything you know about the man Baekhyun’s attached to,” said Kris in worry.

“I don’t know if Baekhyun’s emotionally attached or not, but with the way he keeps going back there, there probably is some kind of weird emotional involvement,” said Luhan putting his hand in his hair as he tried to remember anything that Baekhyun had told him. “I remember that they had a set of rules before. He wouldn’t mark Baekhyun in visible places so that Baekhyun would carry on with life. He would call Baekhyun only when Baekhyun was at home, which meant only in the evening and they had certain days arranged. But it seems like all those rules were broken one by one and Baekhyun did nothing about it,” Luhan said.

“There is probably some kind of sick deal. I bet you that he’s holding some kind of threat above Baekhyun’s head that Baekhyun can’t deal with,” said Kris.

“Emotional attachment,” Sehun spoke up. “It can’t be a deal. You’re his friend and you’re a police officer. He has that advantage. If this has been going on for a while then there must be some kind of emotional attachment. I have a friend named Yixing who was abused by his step-father. He’s the guy that was here with me that first day. At first he wanted to tell everyone, but he couldn’t, for his mom he kept quiet, sooner or later he developed an emotional attachment to his step-father very similar to the Stockholm syndrome. But after I found out, I told the school counselor to report it to the police. Everything is fine now. ”

“How did you…” Luhan looked up at Sehun in awe.

“I’m a psychology student,” Sehun shrugged.

“Good. Luhan, tell him everything, I’m going to go ahead and hunt for Baekhyun. Sehun, why don’t you hear the story and then Luhan, you can send him over to Baek’s house to search for clues,” Kris said.

Luhan nodded.

Kris ran out of the café and got into his car. He phoned up Tao.

“Yes Yifan-ge?” Tao asked into the phone, happily.

“Can you wait outside of the police station for me? We need to go to Dongguk University.”

“Dongguk University?” Tao cried in surprise and Kris heard something fall.

“My best friend’s missing, I think it has to do with the stalker issue that he had three years ago. I need your help,”

\------o------

“Baekhyun is the kid who’s always here with me behind the counter, remember him?” Luhan asked Sehun, pacing back and forth, nearly panicking. Sehun caught Luhan’s arm and pulled him close, gently rubbing his thumbs on the back of Luhan’s hands.

“Yes, I do remember. But I need you to relax first, OK? Relax and then tell me what’s going on, you got that?” Sehun asked with a gentle, reassuring smile. Luhan breathed in deeply, trying to calm himself.

“Right. Baekhyun’s boyfriend is a goofy and cute looking guy named Chanyeol. Before they both got together, they were in the same class together and they both liked each other. Baekhyun had a stalker issue and one night he got raped and there was even a murder involved.” Luhan looked up at Sehun who was patiently and expressionlessly listening to him. “Chanyeol suffered from trauma after the incident because he’s the one that rescued Baekhyun and he forgot everything that happened. After that Baekhyun started seeing this unknown guy who he had an unhealthy physical relationship with. We all said that the guy abused Baekhyun, but Baekhyun kept telling us that the guy loved him. Chanyeol knows about Baekhyun’s relationship, but then both of them love each other so much that they just you know…are in a relationship. But it seems like Baekhyun was kidnapped by that guy last night. We need to find him. Earlier it wasn’t much, but now he’s even started hitting Baekhyun,” said Luhan.

“Got it, give me Baekhyun hyung’s address and I’ll go and take a look around his apartment for clues,” Sehun said.

Luhan sighed and quickly texted Baekhyun's address to Sehun. Sehun smiled at Luhan.

“We’ll find him, don’t worry,”

Sehun got into a taxi and arrived at the apartment complex. It was a little shady and definitely meant for those who didn’t really have that much. Sehun got into the building and climbed up the stairs to Baekhyun’s floor since the elevator was broken. He chased a couple of neighbors out of the house and checked their pockets to make sure they hadn’t taken any valuables. Sehun shut the front door and started searching through Baekhyun’s things, very carefully putting them back into place. This was a situation where Luhan needed him and he couldn’t afford to screw it up.

From what he could see, Baekhyun was almost never at his house. He shifted through everything and folded the particularly appalling ‘Supernatural’ blankets. Sehun was confused, what could possibly have happened? Baekhyun seemed to be very adept at hiding his darker life. Sehun sat down on the bed and thought.

A lot of people who went through such things never revealed them because they were ashamed and scared. More than often it was brainwashing during the abuse, they actually started to believe that they were weak and needed the other to survive; they needed someone to depend on. But Baekhyun’s case was different. Baekhyun lived in his own apartment, made Ramyun for himself, watched ‘Supernatural’ and seemed to enjoy drinking, going to party and midnight snacks. They were all the signs of someone who lived independently.

It wasn’t a threat or deal like Kris suggested. Baekhyun didn’t seem to have anything to hide from his friends who seemed to accept anything from him. Unless Baekhyun was protecting someone else. If Baekhyun was protecting someone, why was he kidnapped instead of someone close to him being threatened? Baekhyun didn’t seem to have many friends. From what Sehun had heard of Baekhyun, he liked to isolate himself. So it was probably just Kris, Luhan and that Chanyeol guy.

Sehun was so confused.

He sighed and stood up, the back of his legs were kissing the mattress. And then he felt something poke the back of his legs. Eyebrows furrowing in confusion, he bent down and noticed a card sticking out from in between the bed frame and the mattress. He pulled it out and his eyes narrowed.

_Dr. Kim Min Seok_

_Expert Psychiatrist_

The card was worn out like it had been used several times. What need did Baekhyun have of a psychiatrist? Sehun studied the address and then ran out of the house, hailing a taxi and heading over to the private clinic. He entered and told the receptionist that he urgently needed to meet the doctor. The receptionist led him into the room. A red headed, round cheeked male in a doctor’s coat sat in the chair behind a large white desk.

“Yes Oh Sehun, how can I help you?” Minseok smiled.

“Byun Baekhyun. How do you know him and why did he come here?” Sehun asked.

“I’m afraid I don’t give away the personal information of my patients,” Minseok said, smile slipping off his face.

“For heaven’s sake! Baekhyun’s been kidnapped!” Sehun snapped, slapping the worn out business card onto the table with alarming ferocity and strength.

“You won’t understand it, boy, Baekhyun himself had the most tough time understanding it,” said Minseok. Sehun smirked and sat down across from Minseok, crossing one leg over the other and folding his hands together, glaring at Minseok.

“Try me, I’m a psychology major at the top of my class.”

“You asked for it,”

\------o------

Kris dragged himself back into the café where Luhan rushed over to him and sat him down on a seat, peering at his face in concern. Kris looked up at Luhan who looked at his face hopefully. Kris shook his head and sighed in exhaustion and distress. Luhan closed his eyes and released his pent up breath, falling back onto the chair behind him. Kris bit his lip and stared down at his hands. He had tried so hard, he really had. But the only information he got was that Baekhyun never talked to anyone except for Chanyeol so no one knew anything. Tao had left him, promising to do his own searching through street CCTVs.

“Where could Baekhyun be? This is so frustrating!” Kris cried.

“You haven’t told Chanyeol yet, have you?” Luhan asked Kris.

“No, I really don’t think we should. Chanyeol could panic and go into a fit, and that is much more than we can handle at the current moment,” said Kris, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. “Plus, it’s not like we can tell him. He’s in Busan right now for a promotion and he won’t be back till tomorrow. He left this morning.” Kris leaned back in his seat. “Any news from your kid?”

“I sent Sehun off about an hour ago, he probably is still searching. We all know how good Baekhyun is at hiding stuff,” Luhan said.

“A week before the statute of limitations for his case ends and he disappears!” Kris cried.

Luhan sat up straight and Kris realized what he just said. He straightened up and looked at Luhan with wide eyes. Kris felt horror crawl into him and Luhan looked like he was going to throw up. Kris wanted to bang his head against a wall repeatedly for not thinking of this earlier.

“What did you just say?” Luhan whispered to Kris.

“Damn it, Luhan…shit…”

“Wu Yi Fan, why didn’t I know about this?” Luhan asked.

“I didn’t think you would need to know this…” Kris said softly.

“Are you fucking insane? Are you trying to get Baekhyun killed?” Luhan shrieked. “You should’ve told everyone around Baekhyun!”

“Bloody hell!”

“You’re telling me, that the murderer is still out there and you left Baekhyun unprotected?” Luhan almost crawled over the table to claw Kris’ face off.

“I didn’t think that-”

“That what? That he wouldn’t come back for Baekhyun just because Chanyeol showed up just in the nick of time! What if Baekhyun’s dead right now?” Luhan screamed.

“His stalker is still after him!” Kris cried. “The man Baekhyun is in a relationship with is his stalker!” Kris cried. Luhan froze and looked at Kris with wide eyes, suddenly pale in the face. Luhan looked very, very sick out of the blue. Kris stared back at Luhan, wondering what was wrong with the sharp tongued Chinese blonde.

“What are you talking about?” Luhan whispered.

Kris blinked.

“Don’t you get it? The man Baekhyun has a physical relationship with is his stalker,” said Kris.

“Didn’t Baekhyun tell you?”

“Tell me what? Heck, Baekhyun never told me anything!” said Kris.

“You’ve been after his stalker this whole time?” Luhan whispered.

“Yeah…”

“Kris…Baekhyun’s stalker…” Luhan stuttered. “Baekhyun’s stalker was his Biology Teacher. _Bang Yong Guk_.”

Kris started to his feet.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Kris shouted.

“I just said it! Baekhyun told me with his own mouth that his stalker was Bang Yong Guk!” Luhan screamed, getting to his feet.

“But Bang Yong Guk is dead!” Kris shouted.

“Exactly!” Luhan shrieked.

“Who the hell killed Baekhyun’s stalker?” Kris shouted.

“Do I look like I know? Nobody knows!” Luhan shouted.

“Kim Jongin knows,” said Kris, gritting his teeth. He marched out the door and drove to Dongguk University once again. He asked where Jongin was and then stormed into the class. “May I please speak to Kim Jongin?” Kris politely asked the teacher. A wide eyed Jongin followed him out of the class and into an empty hallway. Kris grabbed his collar and shoved him against a wall. “Spill it, kid,”

“What?” Jongin asked.

“Not so nervous anymore, huh?” Kris hissed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, let go of me,” Jongin snapped.

“Now that I think about it, you’re the kid from the hospital aren’t you?” Kris asked.

“Let go of me!”

“Baekhyun’s been kidnapped, I need to know what happened three years ago.” Kris said. Jongin stared at Kris with wide eyes.

“Baekhyun hyung’s been kidnapped?”

“So spill before Baekhyun gets killed!”

“OK, OK, I only know some things!” Jongin took a deep breath. “Baekhyun’s stalker was his Biology Teacher named Bang Yong Guk. Yong Guk completely hated Chanyeol because Baekhyun was in love with him. Yongguk tricked Baekhyun out of his house and Baekhyun ran towards Chanyeol’s house when Yongguk caught him on the street, dragged him into a small alley and raped him. Yongguk was going to kill Baekhyun, but I was coming back home from the library and I tried to stop him but I got stabbed, OK? I was going to continue helping but then Baekhyun hyung told me to get away, he convinced me to. When I woke up at the hospital and you guys were questioning me I was going to tell you. But Baekhyun hyung shook his head at me, so I kept quiet. I asked him later why he made me do it. He said that Yongguk was killed and he didn’t want it getting bigger.” Jongin said. “He didn’t want to tell me whether he knew the killer or not though,” said Jongin. “He said he wouldn’t say anything because, technically the killer did save his life, right?”

“Oh no,” Kris said in realization. He let go of Jongin and ran out of the University. He got into the car and drove off. Just as he hit the highway his phone rang. He picked it up.

“I found out who it is!” Sehun shouted.

“I know!” Kris shouted back.

“Dissociative Identity Disorder! Bloody hell! I didn’t even think of it! It’s the Dissociative Identity Disorder!” Sehun shouted.

“I’ll call you later,” Kris cut the call and then phoned up Tao.

“Yes, Yifan-ge?”

“Track this number for me, will you?”

\------o------

Baekhyun woke up to find himself wrapped in the same arms that he passed out in. Everything hurt, he couldn’t move and he really wanted to cry. Baekhyun had gone through this before, when Chanyeol first showed up to run after him. He had had a lot of trouble, but it had gone away. At least, Baekhyun had thought so, but apparently not. Baekhyun wanted to fall back into the black world of sleep. Just as he was about to doze off he heard pounding footsteps. Baekhyun sat up, dragging the male next to him out of his slumber. The male next to him sat up as well as the door slammed open.

“Don’t any of you dare to move or I swear I will shoot!” Kris shouted, holding up his gun.

Baekhyun’s eyes widened and the next thing he knew was that he was crying.

“What the fuck is going on here?” Kris shouted.

“Kris, Kris please, please,” Baekhyun started crawling towards his best friend, sobbing.

“Baekhyun, get back here,” the deep voice behind him ordered.

“Don’t you dare move!” Kris shouted at the male behind Baekhyun. Baekhyun continued crawling towards Kris, crying.

“Please, please, please…” Baekhyun sobbed.

“Baekhyun get back here, now,” ordered the male behind him. Baekhyun paid no attention to him. “Get back here if you love me!” the sharp statement cut through the air and Baekhyun paused for only a moment before he continued crawling towards Kris, pleading with his best friend to listen to him. “Byun Baekhyun!” the male behind Baekhyun launched himself at him.

Baekhyun’s heart stopped for a beat when he heard the gunshot and then a limp body fell on his lower body. He spun around to face the male.

“No! No! Oh God! Please no!” Baekhyun screamed. He pulled the male closer and quickly tried to stanch the bleeding with his hand. “No, no! Look at me! No!”

“You-” blood was coughed out of the male’s mouth and landed on Baekhyun. “You don’t love me,”

Baekhyun let out a scream of agony and put his head down on the male’s chest crying.

“I told you, I love you and only you,” Baekhyun sobbed, his face getting smeared with blood. “I love you…” Baekhyun cried even more as Kris sank to the ground, gun slipping out of his hands in utter horror. “I love you…I love you…I love you…” Baekhyun repeated over and over again as if it could save the dying man.

“Baekhyunnie? Why are you crying?” the male asked, only this time the tone was different and more innocent. “I feel numb and tired,”

Baekhyun’s head shot up.

“No, no, no…Chanyeol look at me! Look at me please!” Baekhyun cried.

Chanyeol raised his hand to Baekhyun’s face and he stroked it.

“Don’t cry,” he smiled brightly, the first genuine smile Baekhyun had seen on Chanyeol’s face in days. And then Chanyeol’s hand slipped from Baekhyun’s face.

“No! No, Chanyeol! Chanyeol please! Look at me! Chanyeol! CHANYEOL!”

\------o------

Kris put the file down on the desk, his skin was ashen.

“Report,”

“Accused, Park Chanyeol. Killed in action. Victim, Byun Baekhyun. He is under six months house arrest. Baekhyun was stalked and raped by his Biology teacher Bang Yong Guk three years ago. Baekhyun was fooled out of his house and he went towards Park Chanyeol’s house when he was attacked and raped. Witness, Kim Jongin. He has been fined heavily and will be doing duty for the police for three months. Jongin was Baekhyun’s tutee. He tried to save Baekhyun but got stabbed in the process. Baekhyun convinced him to run away. Yong Guk was going to kill him, but that was when Chanyeol came into the scene. Driven by panic and the desire to protect Baekhyun, Chanyeol accidentally killed Bang Yong Guk. Chanyeol suffered from severe trauma and forgot the incident. Baekhyun cleared his name because they both were in love with each other. Due to the severe trauma, Chanyeol also developed a mental disorder called the Dissociative Identity Disorder or the Multiple Personality Disorder. In simpler words, he could think he was two different people. With the help of Xi Luhan, Baekhyun’s colleague and friend and Oh Sehun, a Psychology Major, I found Park Chanyeol and Byun Baekhyun. There, Park Chanyeol was killed in action,” Kris said.

“Well done Detective Wu,” the officer said.

Kris smiled weakly.

“I’m to understand that Byun Baekhyun is your friend?”

_And so was Chanyeol…_

“Yes sir,”

“Take care of him,”

“I will sir,”

Kris walked out of the office. Tao was waiting for him anxiously. Kris walked past him and went straight to the rest room where he threw up. Tao watched him with eyes filled with sorrow and sympathy. Kris straightened up. He walked towards the door to the main building.

“Yifan-ge,” said Tao. Kris froze, he wanted to cry. “I’m sorry,”

Kris was out the door, grabbing the tteokbokki he had bought for Baekhyun and sitting in his car. He drove to Baekhyun’s apartment complex and went to Baekhyun’s door. A police officer stood outside of it. Kris flashed his ID at the man and he was let in.

Baekhyun’s house was an utter mess. Kris stepped over a fallen chair and walked into Baekhyun’s room where Baekhyun sat in a corner. Baekhyun looked sick and pale, tear tracks covered his face and his skin was covered in scratches and cuts. He was covered pathetically by the ‘Supernatural’ blankets that Chanyeol had bought him. Kris walked over to his friend.

“Baek…” Kris reached for the trembling boy’s shoulder.

“Don’t touch me,” Baekhyun’s voice was hoarse and wobbly. Kris’ heart clenched painfully.

“Baek I-” Kris put his hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder.

“I said DON’T TOUCH ME!” Baekhyun screamed, shoving Kris away and crying. To Kris’ horror, Baekhyun began to scratch away at the skin he had touched as if trying to get rid of it. Blood seeped out as skin was scraped off, Baekhyun cried more.

“Baekhyun stop!” Kris cried, grabbing Baekhyun’s wrists to stop him.

“Don’t touch me!” Baekhyun screamed, shoving him away. Kris landed on the ground, a broken piece of glass cutting into his palm. “Stay away from me! I hate you! I hate you so much!” Baekhyun screamed. His sobs intensified. “Why did you shoot him? You could have arrested him!” Baekhyun screamed. “I hate you!” Baekhyun glared at Kris. “I loved him Kris, I loved him so much! He was my life and you killed him! I hate you, you heartless, sick bastard!” Baekhyun screamed. He curled up even more, crying.

Kris slowly got to his feet, shocked by how far Baekhyun had been pushed to the brink of insanity already. He picked up the bag filled with delicious street food and held it out to Baekhyun.

“I got this for you,” he said dully.

Baekhyun threw it across the room where it hit the wall with a wet smack. Kris stared down at his ruined best friend.

“I’m sorry Baek. I thought he was going to hurt you,” Kris whispered.

Baekhyun looked up at Kris with wounded eyes, filled with such loss, Kris felt his knees get weak at the sight. Baekhyun was more than just heartbroken. Baekhyun was lost and Kris could do nothing to pull him back to the world of the living. Baekhyun was devoid of his soul. The only emotion Baekhyun knew now was pain and Kris didn’t know his best friend anymore. He didn’t know the broken creature that had taken over his best friend’s body.

“Chanyeol would have never hurt me,” Baekhyun whispered.

Kris swallowed hard and then turned and walked out, ignoring his bleeding palm. He stopped his car outside the closed café where Sehun was comforting Luhan. Luhan looked at him with large swollen eyes. His nose was red and his face was bloated.

“How is he?” Luhan whispered.

“Bad,” Kris answered sitting down.

Silence reigned in the café which was interrupted by the crackle of Kris’ walkie-talkie.

“Byun Baekhyun under surveillance at Sunshine Apartments jumped off of his balcony. Instant death.”

Luhan fell to the ground, a gasp escaping his mouth.

“Idiot,” Kris hissed, punching the display. Following the sound of breaking glass was a stream of curses as Kris’ wrist bled dark red blood all over the pink and chocolate cupcakes.

**“Just seeing you smile once is enough for me**

**I’ll do everything that you want, for you**

**Even if my remaining life decreases**

**Whoever it is, look carefully, don’t make her cry**

**I have nothing more to lose**

**The sadness in my heart that no one knows about**

**Tick tock tick tock, may it all disappear” – VIXX ‘Voodoo’**

\------o------

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaand~ it is done. OH MY GOD. This is insane!!!! It's finally done **holding up the shield for deflecting shoes**. Yes, I killed Chanyeol, sorry you guys...I love Chanyeollie, I really do. It just happened...I would've killed Kris or Luhan if it had hit me too!!! Nyahahaha~


	7. Author Note: Journey of Identity Crisis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you guys are all officially done with me, but hear me out.

**The Journey of Identity Crisis**

So first of all, Identity Crisis is my first completed fan fiction that isn’t a one shot. This fan fiction was written purely out of the blue. For you guys, Identity Crisis started May 30th, 2014. But this story has honestly come a long way. I was first inspired to write a Multiple Personality Disorder/Dissociative Identity Disorder story after watching ‘A Tale of Two Sisters’, a Korean horror movie with Lim Soo-Jung and Moon Geun-Young in it. The entire mental disorder fascinated me. A couple of weeks after watching that, I started to think of a fan fiction revolving around the disorder. It was in March that the idea for Identity Crisis formed. Mostly the story line was inspired by VIXX’s ‘Hyde’ which is completely based on the disorder in a romantic kind of way. I only knew the background story for Identity Crisis and the ending at first. Just that Baekhyun had Chanyeol and Chanyeol had MPD/DID.

**Starting off with the character backgrounds.**

Bang Yongguk came into the story after that. Don’t take it that I dislike Bang Yongguk. I love him! He has an amazing deep voice…not to forget that body build…**author-nim hides**…But really, it’s so easy to pick up Bang Yongguk and make him an evil character, cause he’s got that face, you know? I would have made Kris the evil guy but he was playing good guy, so…yeah. Bang Yongguk it was. His character in the story was being Baekhyun’s Biology Professor and also his stalker. Yongguk got obsessed with Baekhyun, because if we look at this honestly, Baekhyun is very attractive. The only problem Yongguk had was that he was Baekhyun’s teacher and he could tell Baekhyun and Chanyeol were in love with each other and were completely oblivious to it. So he resorted to the dark side.

Oh Sehun was a last minute addition to the story. He just kind of was vomited onto the page when he entered the story in the noraebang. Until the very moment where he walks in with more drinks and food, he wasn’t supposed to exist in the story. Once he did enter the story I sat there and stared wondering what on earth I had just done because I really needed to write a whole lot of things and I can’t handle another couple because I get distracted by new couples, a lot. They sit there and wave at me till I gush at them and then I accidentally give them a whole chapter to themselves. It took me so much effort to keep the Hunhan on a low and just focus on the Baekyeol. But when Sehun randomly became a Psychology Major in the story I was like: “Hey, no shit, this kid actually just found himself an important role in the story!”

Huang Zitao. Because who can resist him? I mean, I sit there and gawk at him shamelessly half the time even though my biases are over there screaming their heads off at me. Taoris, irresistible and friggin amazing! I also felt like writing Taoris because Kris left and I wanted to give myself a boost on the lacking Taoris. Those Taohun shippers out there are probably so happy right now, aren’t they? Urgh. I don’t like Taohun you guys! Sure they’re cute as the maknae line, but romance? No…OK, I admit to having read a couple of Taohun fan fics but that was because Baekyeol was the main ship. Don’t ask me why I made Tao a police officer, and as Baekhyun said, Tao can’t even hold a gun. I didn’t give you guys enough Taoris and what I did give you was kind of sucky and depressing. But, hey, I was trying to focus on Baekyeol and not go galloping after some other couple.

Lay and Xiumin were once again, last minute decisions and they played important roles in their own ways. Hurray!

And BAM! Chenho exploded in your face and you go, “Author-nim, did you just give us a load of random Chenho fluff in the middle of a mall, in the middle of the depressing first chapter?”. Yes I did. Let’s get this issue straight. They randomly floated in, OK? Randomly. Chen is my EXO-M bias and his voice is like heaven and he’s so adorable and his obsession with doing things with his lips and tongue is not healthy for my poor heart. I have recently started obsessing over Chenho, like a lot. I started to really like them thanks to ‘Into Your World’ a Baekyeol fanfic and ‘Revolution’ a Hunhan fanfic.

Kaisoo, they were a last minute addition as well. Somewhere in the middle I decided that I needed them. Ever heard the saying, ‘Without Baekyeol, there is no Kaisoo and without Kaisoo there is no Baekyeol’? Well, I am one of the people that supports the saying. Of course I can write a Kaisoo fic without Baekyeol and I can write a Baekyeol fic without Kaisoo, but then I have to keep all the other EXO members out of the story as well. I can’t survive without the two of them if other EXO members are in the story.

Xi Luhan was one of the most important characters and one of the toughest characters to keep up with. I desperately needed someone insanely good looking with a lot sass. The first person that popped into my mind was Luhan. But why Luhan? Especially when a lot of people make him extremely innocent in their fanfics. I’m starting to have a thing for innocent looking but sassy characters. I love them. But believe me when I say it is really difficult to write fanfics with characters like that. You have to continuously watch what you’re writing when it comes to them. He was by far my favorite character. I think I did the best with his character and I absolutely loved working on him and developing his character.

Wu Kris was let’s say, an easy character to create, but an important and priceless character all the same. Most of the times Kris has a strong and manly image. I gave him all that jazz in this story, but let’s just say I took away its charm with the help of the sass queens, Luhan and Baekhyun. I know Kris isn’t actually Baekhyun’s best friend in real life, in fact, he’s nowhere close, but I needed Baekhyun’s friend to be a police officer. I wanted someone like Kris, I was especially attracted to the idea of Kris becoming a police officer after reading a Krischen fan fic where Kris was a detective and Chen was…well…more or less a criminal.

I don’t think I need explanations for Baekyeol! Teehee!

**Complete Storyline**

Now, recently I have become obsessed with psychological thrillers, but then a lot of the times, with the way I write my stuff, I tend to confuse people sometimes because I expect people to naturally follow up. So I’ll tell you the story in plain words right here for those who had a little trouble in understanding things.

Three years ago from the present time of the story, Baekhyun and Chanyeol were in college together. Baekhyun had just recently moved from Bucheon to Seoul with his parents and Kris and he really couldn’t find friends. Chanyeol was the only one there for him. Soon enough, love began to form between both Baekhyun and Chanyeol. It was then Baekhyun started getting stalked by Bang Yongguk. Baekhyun’s father’s health deteriorated and his parents had to move back to Bucheon. Kris started noticing Baekhyun acting weird and then tried to find out, but Baekhyun wouldn’t tell him. Then Yongguk fooled Baekhyun out of his house. He caught Baekhyun and raped him. He had all intentions of killing Baekhyun when Kai came along. Kai delayed the murder and then when he left Chanyeol showed up. Thrown into panic, Chanyeol accidentally killed Yongguk. He searched for help and that’s when they knocked into Kris.

Due to severe trauma Chanyeol forgot the incident and developed the mental disorder MPD/DID. Chanyeol was the mean man Baekhyun had a physical relationship with and he was also Baekhyun’s sweet, adorable and loving boyfriend, Park Chanyeol. Kris starts closing in on Baekhyun because of the nearing end of the statute of limitations. Baekhyun does everything to protect Chanyeol. Due to lack of proper medication, Chanyeol’s condition slowly starts to worsen till the point he’s physically abusing Baekhyun. Baekhyun can usually tell when there are switches in personality because the tone of Chanyeol’s voice changes. When Baekhyun gets kidnapped, Luhan and Kris are thrown into utter horror and they search desperately for Baekhyun. With the help of Sehun, a psychology major they find out the location of Baekhyun.

Kris storms in to see both Baekhyun and Chanyeol. He had been expecting it, but it really shocked him. In a desperate attempt to save Chanyeol, Baekhyun tries to plead with Kris. Chanyeol tries to reach for Baekhyun and Kris takes it as a sign that he’s going to hurt Baekhyun. He shoots without thinking.

Left in a world without Baekhyun’s life, his reason to live, a world without Chanyeol, Baekhyun commits suicide.

And that was the story my friends!

**Fan Fiction Background**

As you have read earlier, this fan fiction was inspired by ‘A Tale of Two Sisters’. I started the idea in March right after my finals. Around the end of April I had formed a firm idea of the storyline. I started asking around on what the name of it should be. I was stuck on the ideas ‘Two Faced’ and ‘Identity’. I went around asking people help for the title. My friends at school - Sagarika, Itishree, Dhairya, Tilak and Bala - helped me a lot too. I told them to choose between the two. Out of the blue, my brother went, “Why those titles, why not ‘Identity Crisis’? It gives everything a much more fancy and mysterious touch.” And I stared at him like he was a genius.

My dad pranced over half way through the first chapter and asked me what I was writing. Half panicking, I told him that I was writing a story. The worst part was when he asked if he could read it. Oh my gosh, the horror that came over me. I was forced to write a non-yaoi, minimum romance Onluna fan fiction called 'Two Faced' just for him to see it. You guys can see it too since it’s up on AFF but it really isn't that great cause it's cliched and kind of confusing.

I had troubles with writing when Kris filed his lawsuit against SM. Everything was an emotional roller coaster and I thought I was going to jump off my roof because I really wouldn’t be able to deal with Kris leaving. Soon enough, things calmed down. But as soon as they calmed down, Baekhyun and Taeyeon’s relationship was revealed. I didn’t know what I was going to do with my life. I was a Baekhyun biased fan girl who shipped Baekyeol to the ends of the earth. Those of you who have been around long enough probably saw my hiatus note. I wasn’t one of those kids that hated on Taeyeon, instead I sat there and just cried because I had to. After calming down and pushing their relationship I started working on Identity Crisis again. I ended up switching biases to Chanyeol and Chen and I still really love Baekhyun, but the Happy Virus and Camel refuse to let me go!

This story wrote itself. As mentioned in the beginning I really didn’t have much of an idea on what I was doing. I put my hands on the key board and the story came pouring out, literally writing itself, which I guessed you guys must have noticed from all the last minute additions of characters to the story.

Identity Crisis has been through a lot of bumps on the road, but despite that, I am proud to say that it is one of my most favourite fan fictions I have ever written. Oh and I am Chen Obsessed. I am attracted to vocals you know, that’s why I like Baekhyun!

Baekyeol fighting!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaeppsong people~


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